Soft is the Heart of A Child
by InfinityStar
Summary: It's time for Bobby's mom to meet his little girl. Maggie's all excited, but Bobby's not.
1. Apprehension

Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them.  
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.  
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.  
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it.

--Pamela Glenconner

* * *

Her arm was draped over his side, the swell of her pregnant belly pressed against his back. Every time the baby kicked, he smiled. But his smile did not last. She shifted in the bed beside him, searching for a more comfortable position. He turned toward her. "Ok?" he whispered.

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?"

"Sure. It's not easy to find a comfortable position when you're a beached whale, and it's not going to get any easier from here on out."

He kissed her temple. "You're beautiful."

"Yeah, yeah, keep on lying to me, Goren."

"I'm not," he protested. "I always thought you were beautiful when you were pregnant."

"Beautiful, and grumpy, and uncomfortable..."

He smiled and kissed her again. "Want another pillow?"

"No. I think I can manage with four right now. Why are you awake?"

"I just can't sleep. Nothing new."

"Nervous about tomorrow?"

"You have no idea."

"It'll be all right."

"I hope so."

He sighed softly, and she understood his apprehension. She leaned up to softly kiss him, snuggling closer against his body. "I trust your judgment. You know when she's having a good day and when things are going to go bad. Everything will be fine."

She reached up to finger his hair, deciding it was a good time to approach this subject. "Bobby, does she know about Maggie?"

He nodded. "She knows."

"Does she know we were married?" Again he nodded. "How is she with it?"

"The marriage or Maggie?"

"Both."

"Well...when I told her we got married, she just nodded her head and said 'It's about damn time, boy.' She always liked you."

"And Maggie?"

He sighed. "I told her about Maggie right after she was born."

"Have you told her that she's yours?"

"Yes."

"Bobby, you're making me work here and I'm tired."

He smiled and kissed her, pulling her closer into his side so he could nuzzle her hair. He sighed, a soft, contented sound. "She said it was a good thing. All along she's been telling me she's never seen a man so...enamored of a little girl. She insisted all along that she looked like me, but I just wrote it off as part of her delusions, you know, wishful thinking for a grandchild. When I told her Maggie _was_ mine, she leaned back in her chair and smiled. She knew it all along, just from seeing the pictures. But she never said 'I told you so.' She said every little girl should have a daddy who adores her. Then she wanted to know when I was going to bring her by to visit her."

"And you said...?"

"Soon, Mom."

"She knows about the baby?"

"Yes, and she's happy about that, too. She said she hopes it's a boy."

"Why?"

"No competition for Maggiie."

She laughed softly. "As if."

"Are you saying I won't love this baby like I love Maggie?"

"Of course not. I'm saying that, boy or girl, this baby will find his own special place in your heart and will be no competition for Maggie. I trust you to make them both feel special and loved."

He nodded, but didn't say anything. She slid her hand under his shirt and gently rubbed her palm over the soft hair covering his abdomen. "Are you going to start including us in your weekly visits now?"

"Weekly?"

"Come on, Bobby. It's been three months since I've seen her and Maggie has never met her. I'm sorry she's sick, but that will never change and we need to love her and accept her for who she is, not avoid her because of something she can't control."

"I...I don't want her to scare Maggie. Her behavior can be...terrifying...especially for a child."

"Are you planning to let her babysit?"

"Uh...babysit? No. You...you didn't want her to...did you?"

She laughed and lightly tickled him. "No, don't panic. My point is we'll both be right there. You know when she's heading down the path that leads to 'them.' I'll take Maggie and we'll leave if we must before she ever gets scary. Okay? Maggie will be fine and she's all excited about meeting Gramma."

He closed his eyes, focusing on the gentle caress of her hand. "Okay, Alex. But if I tell you to take Maggie from the room..."

"I promise, I won't hesitate."

"No argument? Even if you can't see it?"

"You have never let me visit until recently. I don't know how to read her and I wouldn't presume to try. Now relax."

She nibbled at his ear and gently played with the waistband of his boxers. He closed his eyes and softly groaned. Her fingers continued to stray and soon he forgot about the impending visit, and everything else, focusing all his attention on her and only her.


	2. Anticipation

Sometimes the drive out to Carmel Ridge was quick, if his mind was busy with other things. Other times, it was incredibly long, if he got a call saying they needed him to come out because she was really bad and they were hoping he could reach her. But this time...it was interminable. Not because she was having a bad time--he'd called that morning and they said she seemed to be doing really well--but because he was dreading this visit, his mind wandering of its own accord over everything that could possibly go wrong. What it wouldn't do is consider how many ways it could go right. Alex gave up trying to talk to him. He was going to worry until this was over and there was nothing she could do about it.

Maggie had been up bright and early, eager to get underway to go to visit Gramma. It was with difficulty that Goren convinced her that Gramma would not be up before the sun was and she had to wait. He had tucked her in between them, but she wouldn't settle down, and finally, he gave up and got up with her so her mother could sleep for a few more hours. Now she sat in her carseat in the back, singing "Over the River and Through the Woods." He couldn't help but think _If only she knew..._

He was drawn from dark thoughts by his wife's gentle hand on his thigh. He looked at her, and she smiled. "Try to relax," she said softly. "They said she was doing well today."

"You have no idea how quickly she can go from _doing well_ to _get out of the room_. I once went from her son to one of Satan's demons in eight minutes."

Her fingers lightly moved against his jeans and she replied, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, she and Maggie will click?"

The expression on his face told her it hadn't. She turned her eyes back to the road, but left her hand on his leg. "Click?" he said softly, turning his head to the right and thinking about that.

She raised her hand to trail her fingers along his cheek. "It's going to be all right. If your mom is looking forward to this half as much as Maggie is, everything will be fine. So stop trying to imagine how wrong this will go and think about how right it will be."

"I, uh..."

"Don't even try to tell me you weren't. I know you better. Stop worrying and just play it by ear."

He sighed and laced his fingers into hers. "I'll try."

"Daddy?"

He turned his head to look at her. "What is it, mouse?"

"Will Gramma like me?"

He smiled warmly. "I'm sure she will."

"Is she my on'y Gramma?"

"Yes, baby. Your other grandma died when you were a baby."

"An' Grandpa is my on'y grandpa?"

"Yes. Your other grandpa died before you were born."

"Grandpa loves me."

"Yes, he does. Very much."

"So Gramma will, too!"

He laughed softly. "I like your logic, mouse."

"What's logic?"

"It's the way you think so that everything makes sense."

"Oh. Ok, Daddy."

She resumed her singing and he turned to look at Eames, who was smiling. "What?" he asked.

"I love listening to you explain things to her."

"What's wrong with my explanation?"

"Not a thing. That's what I love. Her world makes sense when you explain it to her."

He was quiet for a moment. "My world never made sense to me. I don't want her to go through that."

"Her world is very different from the one you grew up in."

"Thank God," he whispered, turning back toward the window. She gripped his hand tightly and he closed his eyes, grateful once again that she was his.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

She slid the car into an empty spot and turned the engine off. It was a beautiful day, brightly sunny but cool. A perfect late September day. She got out of the car and waited while Bobby got Maggie from her carseat. Instead of setting her on the ground, he held her in one arm and she slipped her arm around his neck. Eames smiled when the little girl buried her fingers in her father's hair. She was nervous, and that was the only way she showed it. She walked around the car and slid her hand into his free one, squeezing firmly. "Ready?"

"No."

"Come on."

They headed into the building. The unit secretary looked up as they approached and smiled. "Hello, Bobby."

"Hi, Sylvia. What are you doing here on a Saturday?"

"Iris is sick." She smiled at Maggie. "Who is this pretty little lady?"

"This is Maggie."

"Hello, Maggie. I'm Sylvia."

Maggie smiled back at her. "Hi. I'm going to visit my Gramma."

"I'll bet your gramma will be thrilled to see you." She looked at Alex. "Hello, Alex. It's good to see you again. I'm glad he's finally bringing you out to visit her."

"So am I," she said with a smile.

"How are you feeling?"

She rested her hand on the swell of her belly and replied, "Huge. But it's going well. Three more months."

"A Christmas baby," Sylvia exclaimed with a smile, looking back at Goren. "Are you hoping for a son?"

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Mom said she hopes it's a boy, but I really don't care one way or the other." He sighed and asked, "Um, how is she now?"

"Sally is her nurse today, and she said she's fine. She's excited that you're bringing Maggie to visit."

The corner of his mouth turned up into a half-smile. "I know she is."

Sylvia smiled at Maggie. "Enjoy your visit with your gramma, Maggie."

"Thank you, Sivia."

Sylvia laughed pleasantly. "She's sweet, Bobby."

He kissed Maggie's cheek. "Thanks. We'll see you later."

"Have a good visit."

Halfway down the hall, he muttered, "I hope so."

Eames squeezed his side. "Stop worrying. It won't help anything."

He sighed. All this time and she still didn't understand. But it was one thing that he hoped she never would.

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Frances Goren sat by the window, looking out across the lawn that stretched to the west of the building. She looked at the time for the hundredth time that morning. They would be here soon. She smoothed her dress and readjusted her gray hair. Bobby was bringing his little girl to visit. She had told everyone, showing them the picture of her smiling granddaughter with her daddy's dark eyes and curly hair. She was a beautiful girl. She had noticed the resemblance between father and daughter from the earliest pictures he had shown her, but he had never believed her. It was impossible, he'd said. Alex was married to someone else. That, she had seen, caused her gentle son a great deal of pain, and she knew of no way to help him with it. When the little girl was born, regardless of who he thought her father was, she had seen a dramatic change in him. It didn't matter who Maggie belonged to. In his heart, she belonged to him. Every week, when he came to visit, he would tell her about Maggie. He always had pictures to show her. She had never seen any man take a child so close to his heart. If it was possible, seeing him so in love with that child had made her love him even more. In spite of her illness, she had to have done something right in raising her younger son. Bill, Jr., had been too much like his father, and he headed down the path of his father's life early. But Bill, Sr., had resented Bobby's closeness to her. He had made the boy's life miserable in many ways, and she tried to make that up to him. She knew that she had given him difficult times as well, but she always tried to make that up to him when she could. And now...she couldn't ask for a better son. Bobby loved her, in spite of everything, and any man who could love a child so much could not have an ounce of Bill Goren anywhere in his blood.

She had been surprised when Bobby told her that he and Alex had gotten married, but it was a wonderful surprise and she was happy for him. The shadows that had lingered behind his eyes in recent years were gone. And when he told her that Maggie was indeed his child, well, that had come as no surprise at all to her. Now, she was going to meet the little girl who had brought so much happiness to her son's life. And she couldn't wait.


	3. Sunshine

She was expecting them, and yet, when the knock sounded at her door, her heart began beating faster. She recognized Bobby's knock. Smiling, she smoothed the front of her dress and her hair, took a deep breath and said, "Come in."

The door opened. Alex came in first, now obviously pregnant and looking beautiful. She was so happy for Bobby...because he was happy. He had loved Alex for a very long time, and it had broken his heart when she'd married someone else. It hurt her to see him in so much pain. But now...now there was no pain for him. Now he was happy, and it was Alex and Maggie who had made him so. She rose from her chair and embraced her daughter-in-law. "It's so good to see you, dear. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, thank you."

Frances' hand hovered over her belly. Alex gently laid her hand over the older woman's and pressed it to her stomach. Obligingly, the baby kicked and Frances smiled. "Beautiful," she whispered, leaning in to kiss Alex's cheek. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For making my boy happy."

Alex smiled warmly. "He makes me happy, too."

She laid a cool hand on Alex's cheek and looked past her as Bobby came into the room, carrying Maggie. Frances raised her hands to cover her mouth at the sight of her only grandchild. Tears filled her eyes. How much she looked like Bobby when he was little! How could he never have seen that? "Put her down, son. Let her come to see me."

Oblingingly, he set Maggie down, kissing her cheek. Frances sat on the edge of the bed and waited. Maggie slowly crossed the room, her eyes inquisitive. She stopped in front of her grandmother, reaching a hand out to gently touch her cheek. Her face relaxed into an innocent smile and she said, "Hi, Gramma!"

Frances held her arms out and gathered the child into her lap, hugging her. This was the child who had so completely captured her son's heart, and she could see why. "Maggie," she whispered.

Leaning back from her, Maggie looked into her grandmother's face. She smiled. "Gramma."

Frances loved to hear that name coming from this child's lips. She ran her hand over Maggie's hair. "You look so much like your daddy," she said.

"I do?" Maggie face lit up. "Daddy! Gramma says I look like you!"

"That's what she tells me, too, mouse."

Frances looked up at her son. "Mouse?" she asked.

He smiled gently. "She was always small and quiet like a mouse when she'd get up in the middle of the night and creep around the apartment to find me or to play with her toys. So I started calling her mouse."

"An' Uncle Mike calls me bunny!"

Frances laughed in delight. "Who is Uncle Mike?"

"He's my udder best guy! I love Uncle Mike."

"I can tell." She looked at her son questioningly.

"Mike's my best friend. He works with us."

She nodded and wrapped her arms around Maggie. "So why does Uncle Mike call you bunny?"

"I don' know. He jus' does. He even gived me a bunny an' I sleep with him eve'y night."

Frances squeezed the child in her arms and looked up at her son and his wife. Bobby looked better than she had ever seen him. He was relaxed and happy. The haunted look that often dwelled in his eyes was gone. These two girls were the best thing that had ever happened to him. He had a family. "So, Maggie...have Mommy and Daddy taken you to the zoo?"

"Yes! I love seein' the amimals!"

"What's your favorite animal?"

She gave it some thought. Again, just like her dad, who also always thought before he answered any question. She had tried to teach him spontaneity, but every time he had been spontaneous as a teenager, he'd gotten into trouble...trouble that his father would take him to task for. She always hated when Bill disciplined the boy. So she gave up trying. Maggie bounced on her lap. "I like the g'raffes!"

"Really? Your daddy always liked the lions."

"I heared the lions roar once. They was _loud_."

"But they are proud and majestic. What do they call lions?"

"Uh...the King! I have _The Lion King_ at home! I watch it with Daddy and Uncle Mike when Mommy and Aunt Carolyn go out."

Frances laughed. There seemed to be no shortage of adults to love this baby, and that was a good thing. "Who watches you when Mommy and Daddy work?"

"Grandpa does."

"Good. Family should take care of you. No day care."

She looked up at her son, who shook his head. "No, Mom. She's never been to day care. Alex's dad or her sister have always watched Maggie."

"Very good. I always took care of you and your brother."

Alex didn't miss the look that flittered across his face, but he quickly suppressed it before his mother caught it. "Yes, Mom, you did."

Frances nodded. "Except for when I was in the hospital. Then you would go to Lewis' house."

"Uncle Lewis?" Maggie asked.

"Yes," Goren answered. "Uncle Lewis."

"You knowed Uncle Lewis when you was little?"

"Yes, I did. I've been friends with Uncle Lewis for a long time."

Maggie smiled. "Uncle Lewis is fun. He showed me how he builds cars. He telled me I can help him when I get big."

Frances leaned back and studied the child on her lap. Dark curly hair, dark eyes like pools of milk chocolate, a sweet face...she was dressed in adorable jeans trimmed in pink piping and a t-shirt that said "Daddy's little girl" on it. "What does your shirt say, Maggie?"

"It says I'm Daddy's girl."

"And are you?"

"Of course! I al'ays been his girl." She smiled at him. "Right, Daddy?"

"Right, mouse."

Frances looked at her son. She knew how true the words were. This child had brought joy to his life when before he had known only despair. She had seen that in him, and she had seen the change Maggie had brought in him. "She's beautiful."

Bobby smiled, and it was a genuine smile that shined in his eyes, not the forced smile he'd worn before Maggie was born. She watched as his hand reached toward Alex, touching her shoulder and drawing her closer. Frances was pleased to see his comfort level with her. After all, Alex was his wife.

Maggie was looking around the room and her eyes fell upon the pictures on the dresser. "You got pitchers of Daddy?"

"Yes, I do." She stood up and led Maggie over to the dresser, where she took down each picture and described when and where it was taken. The last picture had two boys in it, both smiling, both happy. "That is your daddy when he was about your age. And that is his brother Frank, who was about eight there. Have you ever met your uncle Frank?"

"No." She looked at her father. "Daddy?"

He shook his head. "You don't really want to meet him, Maggie." He turned his eyes toward his mother. "I, uh, I don't talk to Frank much, Mom. I'm not sure even where he is right now."

"You should connect with your brother, son."

"I don't need him. I had enough of Dad when he was alive. I don't need to revisit that."

Frances sighed. They'd been through this before. She hated that Bobby was estranged from his brother, but she also remembered how much like his father Frank turned out to be, and considering how hard Bill had been on their younger son, she couldn't really blame him for avoiding contact. "It's all right."

She saw Alex's hand slip automatically onto the small of his back, and she saw him relax. Yes, she was very good for him. She was exactly the kind of woman she had hoped her boy would someday find...a woman who loved him without qualification and could handle his sometimes difficult moods. Maggie had bounced around the room, looking at everything. She had her father's curiosity. "Daddy telled me you worked in a liberry, Gramma."

"That's right."

"Did you stop because you got sick?"

Alex felt his muscles bunch beneath her hand. She let her fingers caress his back, and he seemed to settle. Frances didn't notice. She had sat back on the bed and gathered Maggie back into her lap. "Yes, dear. I had to stop because I got sick."

"Are you gonna get better?"

"Maggie..." Goren began. Eames couldn't help but notice that his tension had been knocked up more than a few notches.

Frances looked up at him. "Do you need to go for a walk, son?"

"No, Mom."

"Then settle down, boy. Maggie is fine."

He sighed, and his wife leaned into him. He looked at her, and, meeting her eyes, he found it easier to calm himself. He kissed her forehead lightly as his mother answered Maggie's innocent question. "No, Maggie. I won't ever get better. That's why I'm here, to be near the doctors who can help me."

"Daddy telled me that your brain is sick."

Frances was relieved to hear that they had not lied to this child about anything. She believed in honesty and she was glad to see that her son had learned that lesson well. "That's right, dear."

"Can I kiss it and make it better?"

Frances' face relaxed into a smile and she hugged the little girl. If only it were that simple. Only the faith of a child could be so pure..."You can kiss me as much as you want, precious. I will treasure every one. They won't make me better, but they will make me happy."

Maggie nodded and kissed her grandmother. Goren closed his eyes. It was times like this...rare times these days...that made it possible to pretend that his mother was okay, that her disease had not ravaged her mind and torn his life apart. It was these rare times he treasured and he was glad to see her like this today, especially.

Settling back into her grandmother's embrace, Maggie said, "I am happy, too."

"Why is that?"

"I am happy we comed to see you. An' I'm happy Daddy lives with Mommy an' me now an' I don' hafta miss him so much any more. An' I'm happy Mommy is getting me a new baby."

"You sure have a lot to be happy about."

"I do!" She dropped her voice into a conspiratorial whisper. "But you know who al'ays makes me happy?"

"Who?"

"Daddy does!"

Frances laughed. "You make Daddy happy, too."

Maggie nodded and smiled happily. "Yes, I do."

She squeezed Maggie again and looked toward her daughter-in-law. "Alex, dear...would you and Maggie go to the dining room and get me a glass of iced tea?"

"Of course."

Frances watched Maggie climb from her lap and said, "And you can get a cookie there, Maggie."

"I will bring you one, too, Gramma. Daddy, you wanna cookie?"

"No, thanks, baby."

Maggie slid her hand into her mother's and headed for the door, stopping to run over to her daddy and hug his legs. He stroked her head lightly and she ran back to Alex. They left the room. Frances looked at her tall, handsome son. He walked over and leaned down to kiss her cheek. She took his hand and motioned for him to sit near her on the bed, which he did. "How could you have missed it, Bobby?"

"Missed what?"

"How much that beautiful child looks like you."

He looked at his hands and shrugged. "I guess I wasn't looking for it. I, uh, I never had any reason to think she might be mine."

She studied him. "What were you afraid of?" He shrugged, but said nothing. "She was married to that other man?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"So that means..."

"I know what it means, Mom."

She laid a hand over his. "Robert, you think too much."

"So I've been told."

"Perhaps I raised you too well..." She shook her head. "You were so unhappy. Was she as miserable?"

"She was unhappy, yes."

"But I saw a change in you, three years ago, when that child was born. You smiled more; you seemed happier. Now I see why. But you needed her mother to make it complete."

"To make _me_ complete," he whispered.

She reached toward him and laid a gentle hand on his cheek. "When I die, Bobby, I will die with the peace of mind that comes from knowing you'll be all right. You're happy and those girls will take care of you...much better than I was able to."

"I can take care of myself, Mom." He stopped himself from reminding her that he learned that at too early an age.

"I know you can. But they will take care of your heart, and that is something you've been unable to do."

He looked back toward his hands and softly sighed. She was right about that. Wisely, she changed the subject. "So, when is my grandson due?"

"We don't know it's going to be a boy."

She smiled. "I know. When is he due?"

"December 17th."

"A Christmas baby..." She smiled her approval. "And Maggie is a spring lamb. Very nice, Bobby."

He just smiled. He was relieved when the door flew open, saved from more uncomfortable conversation when Maggie bounced into the room. Frances smiled. "Look at that! The room just lit up! Come here, sunshine."

Maggie climbed back into her grandmother's lap and held out a cookie. "Here you go, Gramma."

"Thank you, sweetheart."

Maggie leaned her head back, looking at her father upside down and giggling. With a smile, he tickled under her chin and she laughed, curling into her grandmother. "See how this child loves you, Bobby?"

"I see, Mom." Alex had come to stand beside him and she rested her hand on his shoulder. Without even thinking about it, he slid his arm around her.

"Do you know where else I see love like this?"

"No. Where?"

"In your eyes, son...whenever you look at either of your girls."

Alex smiled at the shy look on his face as he looked away from his mother. She was right. She saw it, too. Now Frances looked at her. "I never had a daughter, Alex, and I always wanted one. God never saw it fit to give me a girl, but He brought you into my son's life, and now I have my daughter...and my granddaughter."

"I am happy to be his wife, and your daughter."

Bobby smiled and tightened his arm around her, smiling gratefully at her. She always knew the right thing to say. Frances smiled at the exchange. "Will you stay and have dinner with me? The dining room serves a very nice dinner, and we're having pot roast tonight."

Alex met her husband's eyes and nodded. He sighed again and looked at Maggie who bounced on her grandmother's lap. "Can we, Daddy? Please?"

There was no way on earth he would be able to say no to the three of them, and he suddenly felt very outnumbered. Hell, he was outnumbered when there was just one of them...

With a soft smile, he answered, "Ok, we can stay for dinner."


	4. Pride and Joy

The dining room was busy but not crowded. Both the residents and the staff knew Bobby, but there was widespread curiosity about the little girl and the petite, obviously pregnant woman who had accompanied him on his visit this week. Occasionally he would visit on the weekends, in addition to, or sometimes instead of, his usual Wednesday evening visit, but he always came alone. Not today, though. Throughout the meal, people stopped by and Frances happily introduced her little granddaughter and the lovely girl who had married her son and now carried another grandchild for her.

When one of the nurses came by and set a paper cup of medicine beside Frances' plate, Maggie tipped her head to look at the cup. "What's that, Gramma?"

Frances smiled at her. "I have to take medicine to try to keep me well, sweetheart. Sometimes it doesn't work. But sometimes, like today, it does."

"What happens when it doesn' work?"

Alex automatically laid a hand on Bobby's leg and squeezed. He forced himself to remain settled as his mother explained, "Then I say strange things and do things I normally wouldn't do. That's when no one can come to visit me."

"No one?"

"No one, except for Daddy. Always listen to Daddy, Maggie. I never want you to see me when I am having a bad time."

Maggie looked thoughtful and Goren groaned to himself, expecting more innocently painful questions, but, to his surprise, Maggie simply said, "Okay, Gramma."

Goren sighed, relieved to be spared the ordeal of listening to his mother explain how she had locked her eight-year-old son in a closet to protect him from the demons and forgot about him. Nearly eight hours later, Bill had found him and let him out, laughing about it. But Bobby had not been amused; he had been terrified.

Another nurse came by as Frances took her medicine, smiling at Maggie. "Well, hello there. What's your name?"

"Maggie."

"My name is Wendy."

Maggie smiled. "I have a Aunt Wendy."

"What a lucky aunt she is to have a niece like you. How old are you?"

She held up two fingers and her father reached over and raised up a third. Maggie grinned at him. "This many," she told Wendy.

"How many is that?"

"Three!"

Wendy laughed. "She's delightful."

Frances was beaming. "There's no denying that she's Bobby's girl."

Wendy gently touched Maggie's cheek and walked away. Frances welcomed the interruptions, pleased to show off her family to anyone who wanted to stop by. Eames thought it was wonderful seeing Frances so happy, so...normal. But she didn't quite understand her husband's reaction. He was very quiet. He tended to Maggie as she ate--cutting her food for her, handing her the cup of milk by her plate and making sure she didn't spill it--but he was unusually quiet, brooding almost. His quiet withdrawl unnerved her.

Eames distracted Frances' attention from Bobby by engaging her in comparisons between Maggie and Bobby when he was a little boy. They both laughed often and Frances seemed genuinely delighted. Occasionally, Goren would look up and smile, but he seemed very uncomfortable. Twice he subtly reached toward her and rested his hand on her belly, smiling briefly when the baby obliged with a kick, which he always seemed to do when his daddy's hand rested above him. Eames glanced toward him both times and met his eyes, but she could not interpret his look and she wondered why he was seeking contact. Both times she laid her hand over his but he didn't leave it there for long.

For her part, Frances marvelled at how attentive Bobby was to his daughter. Bill had never been so interested in either of his sons. Once Bill, Jr., entered puberty, showing a strong interest in his father's lifestyle, Bill had taken him under his wing and effectively turned the boy into a younger version of himself, much to her dismay. But Bobby, no matter what he did, could never gain his father's approval. Bill was always much too harsh with the boy, finding fault with, and punishing him for, almost everything he did. But she avoided talking about Bill Goren with Alex. If she wanted to know, she would ask, but unless she asked, Frances was not going to revive those memories for her son. She simply put her effort into enjoying Alex's company and watching her favorite son--the only son she had left after Bill took her eldest away from her--dote on his little girl. In everything he did, Bobby put his father to shame and that actually warmed Frances' heart, to know that Bill had not destroyed her son's spirit. Bobby had risen above his father's abuse, and he had become a devoted father and husband. He had always been a devoted son. Her heart swelled with pride for her youngest child.

After dinner, Frances took Alex's arm as Bobby lifted Maggie into his arms, and they went for a walk out on the grounds, with the approval of the charge nurse on the wing Frances lived on. Maggie squeezed her father tightly and said, "Can I go walk with Gramma, Daddy?"

"Of course, mouse."

He kissed her cheek and set her down. She scampered to her grandmother's side and placed her little hand into Frances'. Alex whispered something into Frances' ear; the older woman kissed her cheek and nodded. She fell back to her husband's side and slipped her hand into his. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Are you okay, Bobby?"

"Sure."

"You seem very...quiet."

He sighed, "This place doesn't hold the best memories for me, Alex. I am always...on edge here."

She could understand that, and his constant vigilance, looking for any hint that his mother's mind might be slipping away, must be exhausting, even for him. She squeezed his hand and rested her head against his arm.

He sighed softly, looking from Alex to his mother and Maggie, who were conversing animatedly about the pond in the distance, where about two dozen ducks were readying themselves for the night. Frances was telling Maggie about Gerard, a mallard duck with a broken wing that Frances had fed through the summer while he healed. Gerard would waddle right up to her and he recently began accepting his scraps from her hand.

Goren looked down at the top of his wife's head, where he planted a loving kiss. He was so overwhelmed by the day's events he had no idea what to do with his restless energy. Seeing his wife and his mother laughing and talking...watching his mother's mutually adoring interactions with Maggie...he couldn't suppress a shudder of pure emotion that coursed up his spine and spread down his arms. Alex looked at him, concerned. He leaned down and kissed her softly. His senses were simply on overload and his body didn't know what to do when it wasn't accompanied by agitation. He had never quite felt like this before and he had no idea how to reassure her. She was not believing him when he said he was all right.

-----------------------------------------

They were saying good night when the night shift nurse came into the room with Frances' bedtime medication. Frances gathered Maggie into her lap and hugged her close. "I hope Daddy will bring you and Mommy back to see me."

"He will," Maggie promised. "An' my new baby, too!"

Frances laughed. "Of course your new baby, too."

"All I gotta do is ask an' Daddy will bring me."

Frances gently stroked Maggie's cheek. "Then you make sure to ask, and Daddy will call to make sure I am feeling good. Remember, if I'm not feeling well, I don't want you coming to see me. So don't be mad at Daddy if he tells you no."

Alex choked back a laugh and Goren looked at her. She just smiled and shrugged. _Tell her no...right. Like he ever tells her no,_ she thought fondly. Maggie crawled down from her grandmother's lap after hugging her tightly and kissing her. She ran over to her father and held her arms up toward him. With a soft smile, he obliged and lifted her up so she could settle against his chest with her head under his chin. She yawned and reached up to absently bury her hand in his hair.

Alex hugged her mother-in-law. "Thank you for a wonderful visit," Frances said into her ear as she held Alex against her. "Make sure Bobby brings you back."

"We'll come back," Alex promised. "Even if Bobby doesn't come with us."

"Always call; make sure it's a good day," Frances said, pleased that Alex actually wanted to come back. "I will be thrilled to see you anytime."

Frances finally turned toward her son. Her eyes became moist at the sight of him holding his little girl so comfortably and naturally, like he did it all the time. She had no doubt that was the case. It was such a joy for her to finally watch with her own eyes as he interacted with this little girl he so adored.

She had not missed how out of sorts he had been today, and she understood why, but she hoped that because it had been such a good visit, he would be inclined to bring them back. "Robert," she said softly. "I hope you will bring these girls back to see me."

He smiled at his mother, and his eyes were warm. "I don't think I'll have a choice. None of you will let me get away with not bringing them to visit."

She smiled back at him and he walked over to her, leaning down to kiss her. Again, she noticed how natural his movements were with the child in his arms. Again, her heart swelled with love and pride for this gentle, loving son she had raised. "I love you, Bobby."

"I love you, too, Mom. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"I can talk to Maggie when you call, can't I?"

"Of course."

With a soft sigh, Frances smiled. "Drive carefully, son."

"I will. Good night, Mom."

Alex placed another gentle kiss on Frances' cheek as she said good night. Bobby bent his knees so his mother could kiss Maggie, who had fallen asleep.

After they left, Frances smiled at the nurse. "That's Bobby's family, Sue."

Sue returned her smile. She knew Bobby; they all did. And she was happy to see he had such a beautiful family, though she was surprised she had not seen them before. Oh, well...she often missed these visits, working at night. She set the cup of medicine into Frances' hand and gave her a glass of water. "He has a beautiful family, Frances," she said.

"Yes, he does," she replied. And she looked forward, very much, to seeing them--_her_ family--again.


	5. Being Unreasonable

Maggie slept the entire way home and Eames half-expected Bobby to do the same. But he didn't. Looking out the window, he massaged his left temple. She glanced at him. "It was a very good visit, Bobby."

He nodded. "Yes. It was a good visit."

"So what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Alex. I just have a headache."

"Because you let yourself get so worked up."

"Yes. Okay? You were right. Everything was fine," he muttered, not succeeding in keeping the annoyance from his voice. The last thing he needed right now was to hear her say 'I told you so...'

She was quiet for a few minutes, trying unsuccessfully not to get mad at him. He had no business being annoyed. "And this is the other reason you've never brought us along."

He could tell from her tone that she was angry, but he didn't quite get why. "What are you talking about?"

She glanced at him again and sighed, shaking her head. "Look how stressed out this visit made you, and there was no reason for it. She was fine."

"I know that. But you have no clue how quickly that can change, Alex, or how bad it can get."

"You can't base decisions like this on suppositions, Goren. It's too big. We deserve better, and so does your mother."

He felt his irritation turning to anger. "This isn't about who deserves what. This is about my mother not scaring the life out of Maggie. Damn it, Eames, I know what the hell I'm talking about."

She let out an exasperated breath. "Bobby, if you don't want to bring us to visit any more, I won't push it. But _you_ are going to explain to Maggie why she can't see her grandmother anymore, and _you_ will explain to your mother why she can no longer see your family."

"I never said..."

"You didn't have to," she snapped, cutting him off.

Clenching his jaw, he bit back his response, turned back toward the window and said nothing more. This wasn't fair...he never said they couldn't visit again. But she didn't understand how it could be...how it was when his mother went to that reality in her mind where 'they' existed, where the demons stole her son and took his place. She had never experienced her behavior when her mind escaped from this world and compelled her to react to things that did not exist, except for in that alternate reality created by the paranoia of her disease. There was a reason he got so uptight, and she wasn't understanding that. He would never be able to relax when his baby was around his mother. Yes, he was glad they got along so well, and he knew they would love each other. That was what he was protecting more than anything else. But wasn't that his job, to protect his daughter...his wife...his family? And now she was mad at him for doing just that.

Eames kept her attention on the road. She couldn't understand why he was unable to relax and enjoy visiting his mother when she was stable and doing well. He kept saying things could change quickly, but she seemed to be doing fine. Granted, he had been dealing with her for many years, but that was all the more reason he should enjoy her good times. But, no...he wanted to insulate everyone from his mother's illness, and that wasn't right. Truth be told, she had no intention of cutting his mother out of their lives. But if he was going to be difficult about it, then she would take Maggie and the baby herself, and he need not have anything to do with the visits. That seemed to be the way he wanted it, so that was exactly what she planned to do.

---------------------------------------------------

He carried Maggie up from the car, still unsettled and annoyed. He wasn't sure exactly why Alex was mad, but he was irritated that she was. He didn't _do_ anything this time. He had no intention of not bringing them back to see his mother and he didn't get why she thought he wouldn't. He was in trouble for no damn reason, and that only increased his annoyance.

Gently, he laid the little girl on her bed and he changed her into her pajamas, being careful not to wake her. He was surprised when he was successful. One word could snap her from a dead sleep, and yet he could change her clothes and she wouldn't waken. Ah, well...he gave up trying to figure her--and her mother--out a long time ago. He just accepted them as they were, and he loved them. He sat on the edge of her bed for a while and watched her sleep. She looked very...peaceful, and he hoped her sleep would always be peaceful. He felt his emotions settle as he lightly ran his fingers through the curls on her head. She sighed softly and turned toward him, curling her little body around his hip and bringing her head to rest on his leg. He stayed there for a long time before he finally shifted her back to her pillow. Leaning down, he softly kissed her, tucked her blanket around her shoulders and stood up, turning the light off and silently closing the door.

The living room was empty and so was the kitchen. For a while he considered staying out there, waiting until she was asleep before he tried going to bed, but then he decided it wasn't worth it for her to go to bed mad. So he headed back into the bedroom.

She was already in bed, with her back turned to the middle of the bed. He could feel his emotions heading back toward anger, and he didn't want that. But dammit, she wasn't being fair. He pulled off his shirt and walked over to the window. He made the mistake of letting his mind wander. He had no idea that the longer he stayed by the window, the more convinced she became that he was avoiding her. He was simply trying to calm himself down.

His attention was drawn back into the room when she adjusted herself in the bed with an angry huff, grabbing his pillow and tucking it under her stomach. Now he really did debate leaving the room to wait for her to go to sleep, but he figured that would just make things worse. So he kicked off his shoes and changed from his jeans into a pair of sweatpants.

Climbing into the bed, he tucked his arm under his head and watched her adjust the pillows some more. Reaching out, he sifted his fingers through her hair, working hard to fight down his anger and annoyance. "You have to understand," he said, struggling to keep the hard edge from his voice. "I am not used to bringing anyone up there to visit. You have no idea how stressful it was for me. You've never had to watch them sedate and restrain her. You've never had to hear her scream that 'they' are coming, that the devil has stolen her son. You've never seen her when her mind...leaves. And you have no idea how quickly she can swing from one extreme to the other."

"No, I don't," she answered, not turning over. "I don't because you have never let me in to this part of your life. But you know what, Bobby...if you are going to be an ass, then forget it. You deal with this alone because you choose to, and if that's how you want it, then fine, that's how I'll leave it. I'll stay on the outside looking in, since that's obviously where you want me to be. Because it's just not worth it to argue with you about it."

"What do you want from me, Alex?"

Finally, she did turn over, eyes blazing angrily. "I want you to stop. Stop being a jackass and trying to piss me off so I'll step away. Stop trying to shut me out of a very important part of your life. That's what I want, but it's not going to happen because you don't want it to."

That set him off. "I don't want to shut you out. But I have no idea how to prepare you to step into it."

"Then don't prepare me," she said angrily. "Let me find out on my own. You can't protect me from everything, dammit!"

He felt his anger boil up, but he didn't want to turn it on her. So he got up and left the room, slamming the door behind him. Once out in the living room, he had no idea what to do with himself. Anger caused agitation and that just fueled his already overabundant supply of restless energy. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator, hoping she would have the sense to stay in bed, at least until he had calmed down. He really didn't want to fight with her.

He dropped onto the couch and opened the bottle, flinging the cap at the coffee table, where it bounced once before traveling across the room toward the door. He still didn't understand why she was mad, why she thought he didn't want to let her in. Hadn't he already let her so far in that if she ever left it would destroy him?

He heard a door open and softly swore. No...she really needed to leave him alone right now...

"Daddy?"

The small voice caught him off guard. He turned his head toward the hallway. "What's wrong, mouse?"

"I heared a bang."

"A bang?" The door..._crap_. "Oh...come here, baby."

She crossed the room as he set the beer on the coffee table. Climbing up onto his lap, she settled against him and softly sighed. He kissed her head and whispered, "I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

He shifted his body, leaning back against the arm of the couch, and she settled into her usual position on his chest, with her head resting in the hollow of his shoulder and her hand nestled in his hair. It was a very simple gesture, very familiar, and he got as much comfort from it as she did. Resting his cheek against her head, he gently rubbed her back until she returned to sleep.

Then he reached for his beer and took a long drink, letting his mind return to the argument. Thanks to Maggie, though, he was much calmer now. Was he being unreasonable? Was she? How often was Alex unreasonable? Not very damn often. He sighed. Draining the bottle, he returned it to the table and leaned his head back. Protect her? After all this time, did she really expect him to just stop looking out for her? Sorry...that simply was not going to happen. As her partner--and her husband--that was his job. But what was he really protecting her from this time? Alex was well able to handle his mother at her worst, of that he had no doubt. He really wasn't protecting her from his mother's illness. So what was it? It was something closer to his heart than that. He shared everything with his wife...everything but this. This was something he was still unwilling to let her see. Not his mother's illness, but the results of that illness, particularly the damage that had been done to him...something that had taken many years to heal over. He appreciated that she wanted to share his life, every part of his life, but before he could let her do that, he had to be sure she fully understood what that entailed. He knew that would involve seeing his mother at her worst as well as her best. Maybe if she saw that look in her eyes, the look that had haunted him all his life...maybe if she heard her screaming at 'them' to leave her son alone...maybe if she watched her lash out physically at him, screaming for Satan to return her son. Maybe then she could come closer to understanding. If that was what she wanted, so be it.

There was one thing, however, that he was not going to give in on, and that was Maggie. This little girl, sound asleep on his chest, was not going to suffer the way he had. He never wanted her to look at her grandmother with fear. Why didn't Alex understand that? Or was he just not explaining himself clearly? He rubbed his temple again. Whatever...Alex was going to do what she would, and that was fine, but if there were ever any signs that his mother's mind was retreating to that dark, unreachable place, Maggie was _not_ going to be there. He was going to make damn sure of that.

-----------------------------------------------------

Eames woke and turned toward his side of the bed, seeking the comfort of his body against hers. But he wasn't there. Where the heck could he be? She had fully expected him to return to the room and climb into bed once she'd gone to sleep, after he had calmed down. She looked at the time. It was after two. She knew that the calming down could take a while; that was always difficult for him. But he should have came back to bed by now.

She got up and went out of the room. The living room light was still on; he had to still be out there. She stopped at the end of the hall where it entered the living room and she couldn't help smiling. They were both sleeping soundly on the couch. How many times had she seen this same picture...at her dad's, at his old place, even at Logan's? She'd lost count before Maggie was even six months old. Crossing to the couch, she gently lifted Maggie into her arms and carried her back to her bed, tucking her in and kissing her.

Returning to the living room, she took the empty beer bottle into the kitchen and set it in the recycling container. She got a drink of water before returning to the couch, leaning down and kissing him. He stirred, opening his eyes and looking at her sleepily. "Alex..." he murmured, forcing his eyes to stay open. "I, um, I'm sorry." He sat up and rubbed his face. "I... shouldn't have gotten mad. I just...you know how I get."

She settled herself on the couch beside him, leaning against him. "I'm sorry, too. I just don't understand what you're so afraid of...so afraid that you'll deprive us, and your mother, of more visits. She really seems to love Maggie."

"She loved me when I was a kid, too. That didn't prevent the things she did."

"You want to protect us, and I get that. But who's going to protect you?"

"Leave it to you to worry about that. I've been dealing with this for most of my life. I'm used to it." He hesitated before he added, "I'm long past the stage where I need protection. When I did need it, there was no one there for me."

It hurt to hear that, even though she knew it. "That doesn't mean you have to continue dealing with it alone." She leaned over and softly kissed his cheek. "Let me in to this part of your life, too. I promise you, there is nothing that could happen that will drive me away from you, Bobby. Nothing. Maggie, the baby and I are here to stay. I love you. What part of that don't you get?"

"I get it. I really do. Just give me some time. All these years I've coped alone. And now, having someone ready and willing to share the burden of my responsibility...it's going to take some getting used to. Be patient with me." He kissed her temple, then tipped his head forward to catch her eye. "And I never said I wasn't willing to bring you back to see her. Either one of you. All three of you had a great day. As long as you can trust me if I ever tell you to leave the room, there's no reason for me not to take you back. Besides, how can I say no to any one of you, much less to all three of you? I can't."

She ran her fingers along his jawline. "Face it, Goren. You're a big marshmallow. You're lucky I love marshmallows."

He laughed. "Yes, Eames. I am lucky...in more ways than one."

_tbc..._


	6. Thanksgiving

In recent years, Goren had made a habit of visiting his mother early on Thanksgiving. He would have lunch with her and then head over to wherever Thanksgiving dinner would be with Eames, Logan and Barek. And since Maggie was born, Eames had taken to inviting him to her dad's for dinner Sunday night. They decided to continue the traditions they had already established, and now Maggie and Eames would join him for lunch with his mother.

Maggie was excited. First, lunch with Gramma...and then dinner at Uncle Mike's. As was her habit when she was excited, she had tried to convince her father that it was time for 'brefkiss' at 4:30. He didn't agree. With some difficulty, he had finally gotten her to settle down in the bed between them without waking her mother. Once settled, she finally went back to sleep. By that time, however, he was wide awake and there was no chance he would be able to go back to sleep.

He rolled onto his side, facing Alex and Maggie. In her sleep, Maggie curled against her mother. Reaching toward his wife, he rested his hand gently on her abdomen, smiling when the baby kicked. Everything about her pregnancies had fascinated him, and he was thrilled to be fully involved with this one. He'd had no place being involved with her first two pregnancies, although he would have done anything she asked, especially after Ricky made it known he would have nothing to do with it. The bastard had never changed his mind about the pregnancy or the baby, and Goren had never known whether to be relieved or angry. The selfish part of him had been relieved, because that opened the door for his involvement. But another part of him had been angry, only because Alex was hurt by it. Anything that ever caused his diminutive partner pain of any sort angered him; that had never changed. He found himself wishing, in retrospect, that he'd had any sort of clue from the start that Maggie was his. It certainly would not have changed anything about his love for the little girl, but it would have eased the emotional pain both he and Eames had dealt with. Sometimes, he still fought against resentment for that, wondering just when Eames first began to suspect that Maggie might not be Ricky's.

He was surprised when her hand came to rest over his, and he shifted his eyes toward her face. She smiled. "Why are you awake?" she asked sleepily.

"Because Maggie wanted breakfast and by the time I got her back to sleep, I was up." She laughed softly and he frowned in mock annoyance. "It's not funny, Eames. I like sleeping in with you."

With a teasing poke in the ribs, she said, "Define 'sleeping in'."

"Any morning she doesn't get me up before six."

She let her fingers stray across his chest, studying his face in the dim light of the room. Something had been troubling him for the past few days, and she wondered what it was. "Bobby, what's bothering you?"

He hesitated. She only had a few more weeks left in her pregnancy. He didn't want her to spend them worrying about something neither of them had any control over. Softly, she asked, "Are you upset about what the doctor said on Monday?"

The doctor had told them that the baby was still breech, and unless he turned in the next week, a c-section might be necessary. "I wasn't happy to hear it, no."

"You've been very restless since then."

_Damn_. He was hoping she wouldn't notice..._yeah, right_. No, it wasn't the doctor that had him so unsettled; it was another call he had gotten that day that had turned his world on its end. He felt that everything was going to work out with the birth and he trusted Alex and the doctor to take care of it. So he didn't worry about that so much, though it was certainly a part of it. But if that's what she wanted to think it was...if it took the focus away from the true reason for his restlessness...well, that was okay with him.

"I guess I'm getting anxious."

"Your mom is okay for this visit, isn't she?"

"Yes. You understand I'll always be...on edge when we visit, but I'm not nervous about it. Not like I was for that first visit."

"So what are you thinking about?"

He smiled. "Just...how much I've loved being involved in this pregnancy." He hesitated, then added, "Wondering how much I missed with the first two."

"Bobby..."

He silenced her with a soft kiss. "It's okay. What do you want for breakfast?"

She knew he regretted not being able to be more involved, especially when she was pregnant with Maggie, and she felt bad about that, but who knew? One night...who _could_ have known? "Something light," she answered. "There's no way I'm going to have room for two dinners."

"We'll keep your portions small."

"Good luck. Your mother already thinks I'm being starved."

"I know. She scolds me every week for not feeding you. Every time she hugs me good-bye, she tells me to drive carefully and make sure you eat something."

"When you ran to the store for milk the other day, Maggie tried to give me half her dinner."

He shook his head. "Mom has always had her own ideas about things and she's never been shy about sharing them. A year or two after her diagnosis, she convinced Lewis that he'd have plants growing out of his ears if he swallowed watermelon seeds or ate green beans whole. He's always been a little gullible, and we were little then. He still gets nervous if he swallows a watermelon seed and I haven't seen him eat green beans since we were kids. He used to check his ears every night before bed until we were ten." He smiled. "When I started learning magic, I slipped a leaf into his ear. He nearly had a heart attack."

Eames couldn't help laughing, just like she couldn't help loving Lewis. She leaned toward him, pulling his head closer so she could kiss him. "Maybe I can help you get back to sleep for an hour or two?"

"Not with Maggie in here," he replied with a smile.

She laughed again. He gave her a soft kiss and slid out of the bed. "Go back to sleep, baby."

She watched him gather his clothes together and head for the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, he was pleasantly surprised when his pregnant wife slipped into the shower with him.

-----------------------------------------------

Frances smiled at her family, seated at the table with her in the dining room. "This is a good thing, son."

He looked at her quizzically. "What is, Mom?"

"Bringing Maggie and Alex for Thanksgiving."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"You can be funny about these things."

He sighed heavily. "Contrary to what everyone seems to think, I don't conspire to keep the three of you apart. As long as everything is going well with you, Mom, I will continue to bring Maggie to visit you. Alex can make up her own mind, but she seems to enjoy these visits as much as you do. Maybe _I'll_ start staying home."

Frances frowned and scolded, "Robert, you know better."

The petulant look didn't leave his face. "Well, stop acting like I don't want you to visit with each other."

Alex rested her hand on his leg; she knew his feelings had been hurt. She was becoming increasingly concerned about his recent irritability, hoping he was unsettled about the impending birth and the possibilty she might need surgery. He glanced at her and his face softened. He closed his eyes briefly when her fingers caressed his thigh, but he was having trouble calming himself. He and Alex had worked things out weeks ago and she seemed to understand how he felt. He knew she understood his protective tendencies toward all of them, even if it made her angry when he acted on them. But his mother often had trouble letting things go, and she felt compelled to remind him of all the things she felt he had done wrong. Most of the time he just ignored it, but his equilibrium was off right now and her criticism struck home. He was well aware that he wasn't perfect and he felt irritated at her for pointing it out. He pushed his plate away and Alex knew his mother had pushed the wrong buttons. What she didn't understand was why he was being so sensitive. He pushed his chair back from the table. "I, um, I need to get some air."

He squeezed Alex's hand and briefly met her eyes. Then he looked at his mother and promised, "I'll meet you back at your room."

He stood up, stopping behind Maggie's chair and leaning down to kiss her. She looked up at him. "Are you mad, Daddy?"

"No, mouse. I just need to take a walk."

She studied him for a moment. "You need alone time?"

He nodded. "I do."

"Okay, Daddy."

Somehow she understood that about him, which amazed her mother. She was such a perceptive child. Even at her age, she respected his need for alone time. Alex watched him trace a finger down Maggie's cheek and tap her nose, then he turned and left the dining room. Maggie turned to her grandmother. "It's okay, Gramma. After Daddy has his alone time, he's better."

Frances smiled at her. "Yes. He's always been that way." She looked toward Alex. "Would you like more turkey, Alex dear?"

Alex smiled, effectively hiding her concern for Bobby's withdrawal. She was worried that there was more to it than simple annoyance at his mother. "No, thank you. I'm about full."

Maggie stretched her neck to look at her mother's plate. "It's okay, Gramma," she said again. "Mommy eated alla her vegebles."

Both women laughed and Frances leaned over to kiss Maggie, delighted in every way by her little granddaughter.

-------------------------------------------------

He left the building and headed down a path that led toward the pond. Water always helped to calm him when he couldn't settle down. He was more disturbed by the recent turn of events than he'd realized. He struggled with himself about bringing Bishop into this. If Alex weren't on leave, there would be no issue, even though he wouldn't have liked it. But Bishop...a temporary partner...no. Granted, she was his partner for the next few weeks, but he had no idea how long this investigation was going to take. And it really wasn't a Major Case investigation. IAB was borrowing him, part-time. He was going to have to talk to Deakins, but he wasn't going to bother him today.

He squatted beside the small pond and watched the ducks paddle around in the water. The late November breeze was cold, and he wasn't wearing a coat, but he didn't pay any attention to it. His mind was busy with other things. No, he wasn't going to drag Bishop into this. Their regular caseload was plenty full. She did not need to be involved with this. But there was no way Deakins was going to let him go into it alone...and he didn't want a partner from IAB. Logan...there was his answer. He trusted Logan and he knew Logan would back him up right. He would have no hidden agenda. He had no idea where this investigation would lead, but he knew there were already cops involved on the wrong end of it. He needed a partner he could trust, and if it couldn't be Eames, then Logan was his best second choice.

Standing, he felt a little better, soothed by the pond and mildly relieved to have decided what to do about his partner. He was still unsettled about the entire situation, but he felt better able to control his restlessness now and perhaps even reassure his wife that nothing was wrong...yet.

As promised, he met them back at his mother's room. Maggie jumped into his arms. "Are you better now, Daddy?"

He kissed her. "I'm better."

She turned in his arms. "See, Gramma! He's better."

"Yes, dear. I see."

Alex could tell that he had, indeed, calmed himself, but she was still troubled about why he was upset in the first place. He was very used to his mother's criticisms. Something else was going on, but she couldn't imagine what it could be.

"So, Bobby," Frances began. "When are you going to bring that angel back to see me?"

"Next week. If Alex feels up to it, she can come out this weekend, but I won't be able to."

Maggie frowned. "How come?"

"I've got to work."

He glanced at Alex, read her questioning look and gave her one in return that said 'later'. Frances looked at her daughter-in-law. "Alex?"

"I'd be glad to bring Maggie out on Saturday."

Frances was happy. Bobby knew she wanted to see them more often, but he didn't know how he could make that work, given their schedule. It wasn't reluctance; it was logistics. But his mother didn't seem to understand that and he doubted she ever would. He knew she still resented being admitted at Carmel Ridge, and he had done his best to avoid having to do it. But once it was clear her disease was out-of-control and could not be managed on an outpatient basis, he'd had no choice. The only one who fully understood it from his perspective was Lewis, because Lewis had been there. He had seen things no one else ever had. Lewis knew how he'd struggled with the decision to admit her. He knew...and he understood on a level no one else could.

The visit ended on a happy note for his mother, wife and daughter, and he was glad for that. But Alex knew he was deeply troubled and he had to find a way to explain that without worrying her. When they said good-bye, none of them knew it would be his last visit for more than a few weeks. And it was his conspicuous absence in the weeks to come that would set his mother on a downward slide into the realm where 'they' were out to get her by harming her son.


	7. A Quiet Interlude

Once they left Carmel Ridge, his irritation seemed to fade. He turned in his seat to play and joke with Maggie. Her favorite game to play with him in the car was Gotcha, and Eames felt her worries fade as she listened to Maggie's laughter. She glanced at Bobby, who was smiling as he reached over the seat to grab Maggie's tummy. She squealed happily. His free right hand reached over to rest on her stomach, and he shot her a glance and a soft smile before returning his attention to the back seat. She rested her hand over his and lightly caressed it.

When Maggie finally tired of the game, deciding instead that she wanted to play with her baby doll, which was on the seat beside her, he turned back in his seat, removing his hand from his wife's belly and replacing it with the other. This time, though, he slipped his hand under her shirt and settled it against her bare skin. There would have been no problem if he'd left his hand where it was to feel the baby's movements. But no...his hand had to wander, caressing and teasing, so that by the time they got to Logan's, she was ready to throttle him. But she couldn't be too mad. He got her laughing and that put them both in a good mood...although it did take her awhile to settle herself down.

When they left late that night, he was surprised when she tossed him the keys. She was glad to let him drive home; she owed him one for this afternoon. She knew Maggie would fall asleep quickly, which she did. She leaned her head against his shoulder and he lightly kissed her head. Slowly, she untucked his shirt so she could stroke his skin...and she repaid him for torturing her earlier.

When he parked the car, she leaned over and kissed him hard, then got out of the car and hurried into the building. "Eames..." he started, choking off the rest of his sentence. "Dammit."

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths before he tucked in his shirt. Getting out of the car, he gently took Maggie out of her carseat. She snuggled into his shoulder and softly sighed. He kissed her and carried her inside.

When he got into the apartment, his wife was nowhere to be seen. He kicked the door closed and carried Maggie to her room. He was glad they'd thought to bring a sleeper and change her into it before they left Mike's. All he had to do was take off her jacket, tuck her in and kiss her. Leaving the room he took off his own jacket, tossed it on the chair in the living room and went in search of his wife.

She wasn't in the bedroom or the bathroom, so he headed for the living room and kitchen. When he rounded the corner into the kitchen, she met him in the doorway, pulling his head down to hers for a soft kiss that lingered. Her right hand came down to pull his shirt back out and he wrapped his arms around her, slipping his hands under her shirt to tease the skin just above the waistband of her slacks. With a groan, she softly bit his lower lip, an opportunity he welcomed to slide his tongue past her teeth, pulling her closer. He laughed when he felt the baby kick him. "I don't think he likes this," he whispered against her mouth.

"I don't care," she answered, pulling her head back from his. It was the only pregnancy where this had come up. "I have been tired, nauseous, uncomfortable, cranky and now I'm getting beat up from the inside on a daily basis. He always gets his way. Now I'm getting _mine_ for a change."

He laughed again as she reclaimed his mouth. She deepened the kiss as she played with the buttons on his shirt. When her fingers slid across his bare skin, he caught his breath and pushed his body into hers. He choked back a laugh when the baby pushed back against the pressure of his abdomen against hers, which invaded his space. She pulled back. "What's so funny?"

"I'm just not used to being pushed away from you like that."

"Welcome to my world, Bobby. Try being on this end of it."

He leaned over to look her in the eye, smiling. "I didn't say I didn't like it."

"Neither did I," she answered with a soft smile, drawing him back in with another kiss. Without warning, she pulled out of his embrace and disappeared. Recovering his senses, he took off after her into the bedroom. He loved these games she played. Sometimes she frustrated him, but he let her have that. For some reason he would never understand, she seemed to get a kick out of it. Besides, the end result was _always_ worth it.

----------------------------------------------

He dozed lightly as she stroked his chest. "Bobby?"

"Hm?"

"Will you tell me what's wrong?"

He opened his eyes and looked at her sleepily. "Nothing's wrong. Why?"

"You have been restless and irritable all week. You're not usually like that...well, restless, yeah, but not irritable."

"Alex, I'm fine."

"Liar."

"No. Really." He sighed heavily. "You know how I get when you're not around the squadroom. And I don't like thinking of you needing surgery. I worry enough. Sometimes it just gets the better of me. I can't predict when. You should know that by now."

It sounded reasonable, even to his ears. He pulled her closer and lightly played with her hair. It was mostly true...he _was_ unsettled by her absence at work and he _did_ worry about what the doctor had said. He just left out other details of what was causing his unrest...and he hated doing it.

She snuggled into his embrace and sighed. He did seem better. Maybe she was worrying over nothing. He made sense; that would explain a transient restless irritability like he'd been showing since Monday. She shivered when his fingers brushed over her skin.

"Are you cold?" he asked, knowing full well that she wasn't.

"No."

He nuzzled her until his lips found hers again. When he pulled back from the kiss, he asked, "Are you happy, Alex?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"I want to hear you say it."

"Yes, Bobby. I am very happy."

He pulled her tight against him, fervently hoping she would continue to feel that way.

She caressed his arm and asked, "So what are you working on this weekend that you can't go to visit your mother?"

"A new case. If you don't want to go..."

"No, it's not that. I promised. I was just wondering."

This was her first week of maternity leave and she hated feeling out of the loop. He understood that. "Sorry. I had other things on my mind."

"So tell me about it."

Fortunately, it was the truth that they had a new case and he briefly described it to her. He breathed a silent sigh of relief when she didn't press for details about his weekend's work, which had nothing to do with the socialite's murder he and Bishop were investigating. He hated keeping things from her and he wondered how some guys did it all the time...it was killing him. He finally concluded that they just didn't care...or maybe he cared too much. No, that couldn't be it. How could you care too much for someone you loved?

He compared this to the years he had spent not telling her about his encounters with Ricky. That was different. That really had not involved her at all and if she had known, she could very well have placed herself, and maybe even Maggie, in harm's way. That was something that had been strictly between him and Ricky. This...this did involve her...to an extent. But she had enough going on with the baby, possibly facing a caesarian, which had a long list of possible complications for her and the baby. No, he wasn't going to worry her with this as well. And maybe by the time he was ready to tell her, it would be over. After all, it was a simple investigation. Not a big deal...he just hated keeping it from her.

Now his mind was moving too fast and the guilt that came with it was more than he was ready to deal with right now, so he turned to her, coaxing her back to a state where she could shut down his hyperactive mind...and she did.


	8. It's Just An Investigation

Eames woke up with a start. It was dark in the bedroom and she looked at the time. After 8...why had he let her sleep so long? He usually left by now to join Mike for their boys' night out. She had encouraged him to keep going out on Friday nights. It was good for him and she really didn't mind. Sometimes Carolyn came over and sometimes she just enjoyed hanging out with Maggie. She headed out to the living room.

He was sitting on the couch, watching television, with Maggie sound asleep on his lap. As he absently kissed the top of his little girl's head, she reflected how there had never been any doubt that he loved Maggie. And thinking about that, she came to realize that he had never once given her cause to doubt his love for her, either. Never. But there was one major difference: his love for Maggie had never caused him pain. She crossed to the couch and leaned over to softly kiss him before sitting beside him. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Why would I? You need to rest."

"You're usually gone by now."

"I called Mike and told him not tonight."

"Why?"

He looked at her. "Because I want to stay home tonight."

She accepted his explanation. It was something he did every once in a while. And she had to admit, tonight she was glad. She'd had a disturbing dream, common in pregnancy but still unsettling. She was glad he was going to be home tonight. She snuggled against him and he slipped an arm around her. She gently rubbed Maggie's leg. "How long has she been asleep?"

"Not long. We sat down to watch TV about an hour ago."

She looked at the television. Some show on _Discovery_...she should have guessed. "You bored her to sleep?"

He laughed softly. She could always make him laugh. "No. She wanted to watch that shark special on _Animal_ _Planet_. I changed the channel when it was over; she was already asleep."

"What are we watching now?"

"A documentary about caesarians."

"Give me that remote, dammit."

"What? I just..."

"We don't know for sure I am going to need one."

"But..."

"No. Give it to me." He handed her the remote. "You worry enough," she grumbled. "And you already know what it's about. I have faith that the baby will find his way into the right position. Maggie did."

"You had this problem with Maggie?"

"Yes. Apparently, your children are more like you than you realize, even before they're born. They don't want to do things the way they are supposed to, either."

"But they do anyway."

"Eventually. My guess is that he'll turn himself in the next week or so." She flipped to another channel. "Oh, look...elephants. If this is followed by a show on whales, I'm going back to bed."

He laughed again and tightened his arm around her, kissing her head. She turned her face toward his and caught his kiss. Then she snuggled into his side and they watched bull elephants fight.

--------------------------------------------------------------

He slept late the next morning, a rare occurance. He wondered why Maggie hadn't woken him. She was sitting at the table, coloring, when he came through the living room. "Hi, Daddy. I'm colorin' a pitcher for Gramma!"

He kissed her. "Hey, mouse." He looked over her shoulder at the multi-colored cat she was working on. "That's a great picture. Why didn't you wake me this morning?"

"Mommy wouldn' let me."

"Really..."

He smoothed his hand over her head and went into the kitchen. Eames handed him a cup of coffee. He leaned against the counter next to her. "Maggie said you wouldn't let her wake me up."

"I got up early and there was no reason for her to wake you. You deserve to sleep once in awhile."

He bent toward her and kissed her. "My birthday and Father's Day works for me." She laughed and he whispered into her ear, "I like to sleep in with you, Alex."

She hugged him. "Are you sure you have to go in to work?"

"I'm sure. Are you sure you want to go to visit Mom?"

She squeezed him tighter. "I'm sure."

"Thank you."

"Do you want something to eat?"

"No. I need to get going. I'll see you tonight. Be careful."

"You, too."

He kissed her again and returned to the table to kiss Maggie. "Tell Gramma I said hi."

"Where are you going?"

"I have to work."

"Oh. But not Mommy?"

"No, baby. Mommy gets to stay home now until after the baby gets here."

"With me?"

"With you. I'll see you at dinnertime. Be a good girl."

She watched him grab his jacket before she answered, "I'm al'ays a good girl, Daddy."

He laughed and blew her a kiss. "I know. I love you, mouse."

She grabbed at the air and pressed his kiss into her cheek. "I love you, too," she replied as he headed out the door.

--------------------------------------------------------

Logan was waiting for him in the parking garage, just like he'd asked him to. "What's up, Bobby? It's friggin' Saturday morning and I don't have a case."

"You do now."

"What? Your socialite?"

"No, not that one. This...is something different. This is from IAB."

"IAB? Are you out of your mind? I'm not their favorite person, if you'll remember."

"I need your help, Mike."

"What's wrong with your partner?"

"She's having a baby."

He never considered anyone else his partner. "I know _that_. Your other partner, idiot."

"I don't want to bring her into this. This case isn't technically one of Major Case's and Bishop's not Major Case either, not really."

"You're not making sense, man." Not that that was unusual...

"Look, Mike...she's a temp partner and I don't know where this case is going to lead. It involves Ricky Waters and I...I want someone I trust implicitly to back me up in this."

"Waters? He's dead."

"I know...but he was involved up to his eyeballs in some really bad shit. I don't want this...coming back on Alex, in any way. That's why I agreed to take the case. I don't want a partner from IAB. There are other cops involved and I'm not sure how deep it goes. I'll go into it alone before I'll take a partner I don't know or trust."

"Shit, when you put it _that_ way..."

Goren knew he'd agree; Logan wouldn't let him down. "Come on. Deakins is waiting for us."

As they headed for the elevators, Logan grumbled, "Even dead the son of a bitch can't leave us alone."

------------------------------------------------

Deakins was in his office, pacing. That was never a good sign. Without preamble, he asked Goren, "Did you fill him in?"

"He knows about as much as I do right now."

He looked at Logan. "You're willing to work with him on this?"

"Yeah, sure. It's a switch from being the subject of an IAB investigation."

Slowly, Deakins shook his head. "I sure hope I'm not going to regret this."

"Why would you?" Goren asked. "It's just an investigation, Captain."

"But still..." Deakins sighed. "Alex is okay with this?"

"Alex doesn't know about it."

"Bobby..."

"Let me deal with this my way, sir."

"I don't know...keeping it from her..." He shook his head. "I don't like it."

Goren leaned forward. "She's on maternity leave and she has enough to worry about. I'll tell her when it's time, if I have to. Right now...it's not the time. I don't know enough about what's going on and I won't have her worrying over nothing."

"All right, fine. Do it your way."

Logan hit Goren's shoulder. "You just make sure that when this comes around to bite you in the ass, you let Alex know it was your idea not to tell her, not ours."

Goren waved a hand at him. "It'll be fine, Mike. Come on. We have work to do."

----------------------------------------------

The days passed quickly as time for the baby's birth drew near. As Alex had predicted, he did get his act together and postioned himself the right way for his impending arrival. The doctor breathed a sigh of relief and so did Goren. The doctor had not been looking forward to telling this particular father his wife definitely did need surgery. There was no reason he could see now for a c-section. Now it was all up to Alex and her baby.

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**A/N: This brings us up to the events in _Forever and A Day_. The rest of this story will take place during the course of that one. **


	9. No Shades of Gray

It was the weekend after New Year's and Alex was bringing Maggie to Carmel Ridge for a visit, as she had every week since Thanksgiving, as well as on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. She couldn't deny Frances or Maggie the opportunity for a visit. It was very obvious that they both missed Bobby, and they commiserated well together. He and Mike had taken off and disappeared last week, and she still refused to dwell on his absence. She kept herself busy during the day taking care of the baby and playing with Maggie. She found that in keeping her little daughter close, telling her stories about her daddy and answering her endless questions about everything, she didn't miss him quite so much...until she got into bed at night. When she turned over and reached for him in her sleep, and he wasn't there, that woke her. When she dreamed about him, turning to snuggle against him and finding only cold air where his warmth should be, that woke her. When her body needed his, even if she couldn't have him yet, she sought his touch and reassurance of his love, but he wasn't there...and his absence brought her to tears that she allowed no one to see.

The pain in her heart and the rock in the pit of her stomach never went away. As a baby, Maggie had always felt her tension, responding with a restless irritability that vanished when Bobby took her and cradled her against his chest. If Tommy sensed her unrest, however, he gave no sign. His response seemed to be those soft little noises he made only when she held him as he snuggled deeper into her arms, and she felt oddly comforted. She refused to speculate on what she would do if she didn't have these children, who reminded her so much of him and yet were the biggest source of comfort for her she had ever known, except for their father.

They approached the unit secretary's desk and Maggie bounded ahead of her mother. "Hi, Miss Si'via!"

Sylvia looked up from her work. "Well, hi, Maggie. How are you today?"

"I'm good, and so's my baby. He's keepin' Grandpa comp'ny."

Sylvia smiled. Just in the short time since Bobby began bringing Maggie to visit Frances, the staff had grown very fond of his friendly, happy little girl. They had always liked Bobby, with his kind, gentle manner and loving patience with his mother, even when she was difficult. They often wondered why he always came to visit alone. For years, Frances had mentioned Alex, but always, Bobby came alone. And in recent years, she had talked about Alex's daughter and how much she thought the child looked like her son. And still, Bobby came alone. And then, finally, he brought Alex, and they were surprised to learn that she was actually his wife, pregnant with their second child. She hadn't been his wife for long, but she had known him for years and, in spite of Bobby's anxiety about bringing her to meet his mother, there was no doubt that they did love each other; they never hid their affection. Then they'd brought Maggie and she had charmed them all. Her attachment to Bobby was obvious and heartwarming, and she was always excited to visit her gramma. Sylvia looked at Alex. "Hi, Alex. Where's Bobby today?"

"Still involved with that case he's been working on."

"It's good that you and Maggie call and come to visit. Frances really looks forward to seeing you. When do we get to meet the little guy?"

"Another six weeks or so. The doctors want him to have his first set of shots before he goes visiting."

"We're looking forward to seeing him." She turned her attention back to Maggie. "Your grandma is waiting for you, sweetheart."

"Thank you, Miss Si'via. Come on, Mommy! Gramma needs to see me!"

Alex smiled at Sylvia and hurried down the hall after Maggie. Sylvia smiled. Alex was much more laid back than Bobby tended to be, but, to the best of her knowledge, Alex had never witnessed one of Frances' episodes. Bobby had lived with them nearly all his life. There was always an underlying tension in his manner, no matter how calm and gentle he was, and Sylvia understood that. She expected Alex's attitude to change somewhat once she'd experienced her mother-in-law's disease at its worst. And it would come, sooner than anyone wanted. Bobby wasn't around. That always boded ill for his mother, and it would be for Alex to deal with, if she had a mind to. No one would blame her if she backed off. Most of the staff felt she would. After all, she bore no responsibility toward her husband's mother, even in his absence. But if she chose to come, they would let her choose her level of involvement; Bobby was fine with that. Alex had free access to his mother. But the staff had strict orders from him to never let Maggie near his mother if she were not completely stable, knowing how quickly her condition could deteriorate once she headed away from reality.

Frances looked up when her door popped open and Maggie burst into the room. "Hi, Gramma!"

She ran across the room into her grandmother's arms. Frances folded her into a warm hug. "It's so good to see you, Maggie. Hello, Alex dear." She watched the door expectantly, but her son never came into the room. "Where's Bobby?"

"He's still working on that case. It's been taking a lot of time."

Maggie added, "Santa bringed Daddy and Uncle Mike to me on Chrissmas, but they hadda leave again."

"Haven't you seen him since Christmas?"

"No, an' I miss him."

"But you talk to him, don't you?"

"No. Mommy says they can' call me right now."

Frances hugged her. "What's wrong with him, Alex?"

Alex sighed, deciding that telling her Mike and Bobby had taken off and no one had any idea where they were would probably be a bad idea. "It's a very difficult case. He's just doing what he thinks is best for us."

"Making my granddaughter sad is what's best for her?"

Alex pulled a chair closer, wondering at Frances' sudden argumentativeness. Bobby had not been able to visit since Thanksgiving, but Alex continued to bring Maggie every Saturday afternoon, and she had never missed a visit. Earlier in the month, she had even taken over calling every day, when the investigation had begun to snow him under. Until things had escalated to the point that he had to stay away, he'd made a point to be around to have breakfast with Maggie every morning and he tried to be home in time to tuck her in every night. Some nights he would head back out, but mostly he would spend time with her and then continue working after she went to bed. The only break Bobby had taken in the investigation was for the birth of their son. Then poor Lewis had been injured, that bomb had been rigged at their apartment, Ricky's friends had shown up at her father's house and shot him and Bobby, and now Bobby and Mike were missing. But she couldn't tell Frances any of that. Gently, she said, "It's hard for him to be away, too, but it's out of his hands."

Maggie piped up. "Grandpa's outta the hopsital and we can stay with him again."

Frances looked at Alex. "The hospital? Nothing serious, I hope."

Before Alex could answer, Maggie, who had been brushing her hands over her red skirt, said, "Grandpa gotted hurt when Daddy did, but Daddy gotted better faster than Grandpa did."

Alex groaned to herself. _Thanks, Maggie_. Frances raised worried eyes to Alex. "Is Bobby all right?"

How could she handle this without lying to her mother-in-law? "When he left town, he was all right."

"But he was hurt?"

"He was, but he was recovering very well."

"Was this related to his job?"

"Yes."

Frances sighed, a frustrated sound. "I worry about both you and Bobby, being police officers. It's such a dangerous job and you have two children to think about. When did you talk to him last?"

"On Christmas. He'll call me when he can."

"Where is he?"

"He had to go out of town. I don't know for sure exactly where he is."

"Is he alone?"

"No. Mike is with him."

"And he will watch out for Bobby?"

"Yes. They watch out for each other." _And they_ always _seem to get into trouble doing it._

"What about Lewis? Has he called Lewis?"

"No, he hasn't."

Frances got a stubborn, angry look on her face, much like the look Maggie got when she didn't get her way. With a huff of annoyance, she said, "I will straighten him out when he gets back. How can he worry you and upset Maggie by not calling? I taught him better than that."

She didn't understand; she never would. Bobby had often told her that his mother viewed the world a certain way. Everything was black or white and she made no allowances for any gray. Anything that strayed from her expectations seemed to be beyond her comprehension. Her rules for how things should be were inflexible and she was unable to tolerate much deviation from her norm. "It's 'them,' isn't it, Alex?"

Alex felt a surge of fear at the question. Talking about 'them' was a sure sign that her mind was heading for a break. Sometimes Bobby was able to postpone the break. All she could do was give it a try. Keeping her voice gentle, she said, "Let's not talk about 'them' in front of Maggie, okay?"

Frances' face showed understanding. "Good idea, dear." Her attention diverted before it got a good grip on 'them,' she turned to Maggie who was still on her lap. "So, tell me about your brother, Maggie."

Alex breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that Frances was still reachable, if she was indeed heading for a psychotic break. So far she was still stable, well enough that the staff had not yet felt the need to stop Maggie's visits. The oddly ironic thing was that this time, she was right. 'They' were, indeed, after her son, whoever 'they' happened to be.

---------------------------------------------------------------

She noticed the changes. Over the course of the next week, her conversations with Frances became increasingly strange and disjointed. She knew what that meant, and it made her uneasy. Still, she had times when she sounded perfectly lucid and was able to carry on a normal conversation. She didn't know her well enough to understand the nuances of her disease, its triggers, and the patterns she followed when she began to separate from reality. So when she sounded lucid, Alex would let her talk to Maggie, until the day Maggie handed her back the phone in silence and left the room. She knew that her little girl's continued withdrawal was due to her father's absence but she'd always seemed happy to talk to her gramma. It broke her heart to see Maggie smiling less and less; she no longer laughed at all. And she knew of no way to console her.

Alex finished her conversation with Frances and went in search of her daughter. She found her in the bedroom, sitting on Bobby's side of the bed, hugging his pillow and trying not to cry. She sat down and Maggie leaned into her. "I want Daddy," she said quietly.

"What did Gramma tell you, Maggie?"

"She telled me someone's tryin' to hurt Daddy."

"Who?"

"I dunno. She didn' say. All she telled me was they are gonna hurt him."

Eames picked Maggie up and set her on her lap. It was starting...or rather accelerating. Frances' descent from reality had already begun. "Baby, do you remember how we told you Gramma gets sick?"

"Uh-huh."

"Sometimes when she's sick, she says things she doesn't mean or she talks about things she doesn't know."

"So nobody's gonna hurt Daddy?"

"Daddy and Uncle Mike know how to take care of themselves. They'll be okay."

"Where are they?"

"I don't know, Maggie."

"Why won' Daddy call me?"

"All I can say is he doesn't call because he can't."

"And Uncle Mike, too?"

"Uncle Mike, too. He would call if he could."

Maggie sighed. "Can I sleep with you tonight on Daddy's pillow, Mommy?"

"Of course."

She rested her head on Alex's chest and hugged tighter to the pillow in her little arms. Alex knew how she felt. The pillow still smelled of his cologne and hugging it, breathing the familiar scent, made him seem not so far away.


	10. Descent From Reality

Eames got the call from Carmel Ridge Friday afternoon. Although they told her she didn't have to come out, she knew that Bobby always did. She left both children with her father after he assured her they would be fine and Maggie promised she would take care of Grandpa and her baby, and she drove out to Carmel Ridge.

Sylvia saw her coming down the hall and she smiled wearily at her. "Hi, Alex."

"Long day?"

"Very. How are the kids?"

"They're fine."

"And Bobby?"

"I wish I knew. We haven't heard from him."

"That's unusual, isn't it?"

"Very. How is Frances?"

Sylvia shook her head. "No better than when I talked to you earlier. They're hoping not to have to restrain and sedate her, but this is shaping up to be a bad episode. They're ready if they have to."

"And they think they will?"

Sylvia nodded. "When she's like this and Bobby comes out, sometimes seeing him will calm her down for a little while, but often he doesn't make any difference, except that he will draw her aggression away from the staff. He knows how to handle her and he's very good at it. He can restrain her and still be very gentle about it. I wish some of our orderlies were as adept at that. They try, but it's not always possible and people can get hurt."

"Bobby's been dealing with her for a very long time. He's a big man and a cop, but he has a gentle heart and a gentle manner."

Sylvia nodded. "That describes him well."

Alex smiled sadly and headed down the hall before the tears she felt building up could reach her eyes.

She stopped at the nurses' station, where they were pleased to see her. Mary, the nurse who was caring for Frances, took her arm and led her to a small room just off the nurses' station. "You didn't have to come out, Alex."

"Bobby would have."

"Yes, but she's his mother."

"Well, I am taking care of his responsibilities while he's out of town. My mother passed away a few years ago so his mom is the only mother I have left."

Mary smiled kindly. Bobby had done well in choosing Alex for his wife. "Since you've never dealt with her this way before, let me warn you. She can be unpredictable. Much of what she says doesn't make sense, even to him. She'll often think she's in a different time, that Bobby is still a child. That's why she doesn't recognize him as a man. She attacked an orderly once because she thought he was her ex-husband and he was going to beat Bobby. She can be hard to take. Right now, she's in the grips of the paranoia that comes with her disease. Bobby told you about 'them'?"

"Yes."

"Then you'll understand that. She's convinced Bobby is missing and 'they' have him because he hasn't been to visit." She sighed. "And now 'they' are after you and Maggie, too. Just don't be surprised if she turns against you. In her delusions, anyone can become 'them'."

Alex nodded. "Bobby warned me about that, too."

"Good. Well, we're ready if we need to be. Are you sure you still want to see her?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Just remember: she's not going to look or act like herself."

"Okay. Let's go."

Frances stopped pacing at the knock on her door, frantically searching for a weapon but 'they' had taken everything, so she would be an easier target. She did not expect the petite woman who came through the door. "Alex!" There was a wild, paranoid look in her eyes that Alex had never seen before. "Did you find him?"

"Find who?"

"Bobby. 'They' took him."

Alex's voice was gentle, like Bobby's always was when he was trying to talk people down. "Please calm down. Bobby's okay. He had to go out of town on a case."

"He hasn't called his Maggie, and she's sad. He would never make her sad. 'They' have him and you've got to find him."

Silently, Alex agreed with her and she _would_ find him, if she had any idea where to look. "I'm trying. I'll find him."

Frances studied her and slowly, the suspicion on her face turned to a look of pure horror. "No...no...you're one of 'them'."

"I'm not..."

"You! What did you do to him? How could you! He loved you so much! And my babies! What did you do to my Maggie and Tommy? Where is my son?"

Her last sentence ended in a blood-curdling screech. Eames had no idea how to react as Frances came toward her. Fortunately, the staff knew her well, and as soon as she had started screaming, they began to respond. They came through the door and two orderlies grabbed Frances before she reached her daughter-in-law. She screamed and struggled against them. _This_ was the woman responsible for so many of the horrors that still haunted her son's nights. _This_ was the woman who locked her little boy in closets to protect him from imagined dangers and often tried to beat the demons out of him. _This_ was a frightening person and she could only imagine how she must have seemed to a little boy who couldn't understand what he had done to make his loving mother hate him. Mary came hurrying into the room with a syringe. She gave Frances the injection and the orderlies laid her on the bed, slipping the restraints onto her wrists and ankles. This was what he had wanted to protect her from all these years by keeping her insulated from this part of his life. This was the image Bobby never wanted Maggie to have. This was the image in his mind when he'd gotten so mad at her for accusing him of not wanting them to get to know his mother. Now, finally, she understood completely. Now, she knew. She understood his withdrawal in the past...the phone calls...the looks that would cloud his eyes and the dreams that would haunt his nights...and she understood his protectiveness. Stepping away from the bed as Frances calmed and went to sleep, Mary gently took Alex's arm and led her out of the room. Softly, she said, "He would never have let you see that, but in a way, I'm glad you did. Now you have an idea of what he's been dealing with all these years. Now you can understand his pain."

They entered a small break room. "I've always understood his pain, but now I can understand his reactions, why he's pushed me away for so long."

"Schizophrenia can be frightening. But I'm glad he finally decided to bring someone into this part of his life so that he no longer has to deal with it alone. And I'm very glad it was you. Not many people would have come out here when we called."

Alex was trying not to tremble as the adrenaline left her system. "When I fell in love with Bobby, I willingly accepted him and every part of his life. He was the one keeping me at arm's length from his mother for so long."

Mary was busy at the far end of the room. "For good reason, you see now. This could scare someone away, and I'd wager he never wanted to risk driving you away."

She handed Alex a glass of orange juice. She had no idea how true that was...Bobby had always feared that Alex would leave. She hoped those fears were finally gone for good now. She was never going to leave him...just like she knew he would never leave her. Mary sat down in a chair near her. "Sometimes, he can delay the inevitable for a few hours before she attacks him. But they always end the same. She's been really stable lately, and we have been pleased about that." She smiled. "We enjoy seeing Maggie almost as much as Frances does."

Alex forced a smile. "Maggie has that effect on people."

"I'm glad you didn't bring her today."

"Bobby was adamant about me following your recommendations. And I could tell all week that something just wasn't right."

"This has been coming for weeks. We've been trying to adjust her medicine to head it off, but it didn't work this time. She always leaves us like this when he misses visits. Where is he?"

"Out of town on a case."

"I hope he comes home soon."

"So do I. We miss him."

"How is the baby?"

"Fine, thanks. Getting big." She sighed. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Unfortunately, no. We'll continue to adjust her medicine and eventually she'll come out of it. Please don't be afraid to continue calling. She should be able to talk to you in a few days, maybe a week. Are you all right now?"

"Yes, thank you. Since there's nothing I can do, I should head home. I'll call tomorrow. Please call me if anything changes."

She gently squeezed Alex's arm. "We will."

"Thank you, Mary."

She headed down the hall, waving to Sylvia as she passed her desk and soon she was in the car. She slid the key into the ignition but she didn't start the engine. Suddenly overwhelmed, she could no longer hold back the tears. She cried for Frances and everything her disease had deprived her of. She cried for Bobby and the horrors he had been dealing with since he was small. And she cried for herself, because she missed him and because she needed him. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her, his gentle kiss on her temple and his warm voice, telling her it was going to be all right. And she really needed to apologize to him, for all her preconceived notions and misconceptions about his mother's illness...and she needed his reassurance. But more than anything else, she wanted--she needed--to hear him say "I love you."


	11. Without Him

Everything seemed to be falling apart; her life was unraveling without him in it. Nothing had changed around her, except that he was gone, and that changed everything. Just over three weeks had passed since Bobby and Mike had ditched their FBI detail and borrowed a car from Lewis. In spite of a nationwide BOLO, the car had not been spotted. She had contacted the friends of his that she knew, but no one had heard from him. She had talked to the two FBI agents they had taken off on; they had gotten nowhere in their search for them. Bobby and Mike had simply disappeared.

Her emotions were all in a jumble. She was still irritated at him for protecting her. He knew better; she could take care of herself. She was annoyed that he had used her pregnancy and the baby's birth as an excuse for not telling her about this case. Protecting her...and who turned out needing to be protected? He and Mike did. And then they went off to play secret agent and who knew what had happened to them. And she was angry, very angry, at the sheer stupidity it took for them to run off. She knew exactly what they were thinking because she knew Bobby and Mike. Bobby would have been going stir crazy sitting and waiting. He would have felt like a sitting duck, and his irritation at not knowing even who was after them would have been driving him nuts. And finally, being apart from her and the children without any clear indication of when he could come home would have been the last straw. Half the time, when they got it trouble, it was due to Mike's idiot suggestions. This time, she just knew it was Bobby's idea and Mike went along with him, well, because that's what Mike did. Bobby and Mike stuck together. Never once did she hear one of them deny culpability. Regardless of whose idea it was, they both accepted responsibility for the consequences of whatever they did.

Most of the time, she focused on her anger because it was easier to be angry than it was to be upset. But overshadowing even her anger was her worry. More than anything else, Bobby was considerate of her feelings. She was very used to getting her way with him. In all the years she had known him, from the earliest months of their partnership, he tended to give in to her. There were times when he got stubborn, usually about a case, or when he thought he was protecting her, but in general, he was happy to let her have her way. He simply hated being at odds with her, and he always had. It was a small matter to him to give in or to apologize, even when he wasn't wrong. His ego never overshadowed his love.

After getting Maggie to bed, Alex wandered into the living room. She was glad her father was recovering so well, and it certainly helped him to have Maggie doting on him. After all, his lap would feel awfully empty without her in it, he kept telling his littlest granddaughter. It helped Maggie, too. He did his best to keep the little girl's mind off her missing father. Now if only there were some way he could help Alex cope with her feelings. She heard Tom moving around in his bassinet, making little slurping sounds by sucking on his fist. She crossed the room and picked him up. As always, he cuddled against her. Sighing, she kissed him and walked over to the stereo to turn it on. The music helped relax her and Tommy seemed to like it. Then she went over to the couch and sat down to feed the baby, listening to the music and letting her mind wander. It never wandered far...it always went right to Bobby, wondering where he was and what had happened to him.

A new song started, and she listened to the words...and they hit her hard...right in the heart...

_How do I,  
Get through the night without you?  
If I had to live without you,  
What kind of life would that be?  
Oh, I  
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,  
You're my world, my heart, my soul,  
If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,_

_And tell me now  
How do I live without you?  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

_Without you,  
There'd be no sun in my sky,  
There would be no love in my life,  
There'd be no world left for me.  
And I,  
Baby I don't know what I would do,  
I'd be lost if I lost you,  
If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,_

_And tell me now,  
How do I live without you?  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

_Please tell me baby,  
How do I go on?_

_If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything,  
I need you with me,  
Baby don't you know that you're everything,  
Real in my life?_

_And tell me now,  
How do I live without you,  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

_How do I live without you?_

_How do I live without you baby?_

As the strains of the song faded away, her father came into the room. He eased himself onto the couch beside her and she leaned into him, burying her face in his chest. She couldn't do it any longer; she couldn't hold it together. His arms came around her and she cried.

Alex Eames...touch-assed cop, grounding force for her husband's incredible genius, the calm in the storm that was his life...done in by a single song. She had cried like this only twice before as an adult. Once, in her father's arms like this, when her first husband had been killed on duty and again, over three years ago, in Bobby's arms, when her mother had died. But this...this was different, even from those times. What _would_ she do without him? She had no answer to that.

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_**How Do I Live**_ **by LeAnn Rimes**


	12. Take Me to the Airport

She had planned to sleep in the next morning, having spent most of the night awake and lonely. But when the doorbell rang shortly after eight, she got up and pulled on her robe. As she came into the living room, her father was leading Deakins in from the front door. The captain was carrying Maggie, who had her arms wrapped around his neck. He gently patted her back. Maggie's world was so uncertain these days. "How is it going, Alex?" he asked.

She took a deep breath. "We've been better."

"I came by to ask a favor. I have a noon flight out of JFK. Would you take me to the airport?"

She frowned briefly, but when he met her eyes, she agreed. "Let me get dressed."

"I'll just sit here and hold Maggie for a few minutes. I've missed her."

When Eames came back out into the living room, Maggie climbed down from Deakins' lap and hurried over to her, an anxious look on her face. "You'll come right back, Mommy?"

She lifted Maggie into her arms and hugged her. "Of course I will, baby. You take care of Grandpa and Tommy while I take Uncle Jimmy to the airport and then I'll be right back."

Maggie squeezed her neck. "Promise?"

"Promise."

She set her down and Maggie went over to her grandfather, who picked her up. She rested her head on his shoulder. Alex walked over to them and gently kissed her head and then her father's cheek. "I'll be back in a little while, Dad."

"Drive carefully, sweetheart."

She left the house with Deakins. He got his bag from his car and set it in the back seat of hers, then he got in. "Your father will let me leave my car here until I get back. I gave him the keys." He sighed. "I've never seen Maggie like that, Alex. I'm used to a more rambunctious greeting."

Alex sighed sadly. "She misses him. Nothing in her world is right without him. And I feel the same way."

Deakins let out a heavy sigh as they turned out of the development. "Alex, I got a call from a CIA agent in Texas early this morning. He's going to meet me in Austin. Apparently, the order to eliminate Bobby and Mike came from that FBI field office. So I'm heading down there myself to set it all straight."

Her heart skipped a beat as a cold fist of fear grabbed it. "Do they know where the boys are?"

Deakins nodded. "Agent Crosby was with them. They were on their way to Austin in the early hours of the 29th when the FBI caught up with them. They were involved in an accident just east of Amarillo. I talked to Mike at about 8 this morning. They're both in federal custody and they finally let him talk to me. They're watching him very closely. He's been in the ICU and got out earlier in the week. Bobby...is still in intensive care."

She focused her attention on the road, but it wasn't easy. She refused to cry in front of Deakins, so she didn't say anything. He seemed to understand, because he continued talking. "I told them to let Mike take your call, and I gave the ICU your name and told them you're Bobby's wife. They'll talk to you." He handed her a piece of paper. "The first number is Intensive Care. The second one will get you the nurses' station on Mike's ward."

"What..." She took a deep breath. "What did they tell you?"

"He's still in a coma, and they don't know why. Mike said he's healing, but that's all he knows. They told me he's holding his own. He's been fighting, and that's good. I booked you and Barek on a flight to Dallas at five. They're at Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas."

"Thank you." She didn't know how to feel. She was relieved, but her worry had not dissipated. Deakins' words _still in a coma_ were haunting. She swallowed down the lump in her throat and didn't say any more.

The rest of the ride was made in silence. Deakins knew her well enough to let her be, so she could process what he told her and deal with her feelings. She had to be relieved that they now knew where Bobby and Mike were, but it couldn't be much comfort for her to hear that her husband was in a coma. He wished he could tell her more.

She pulled up to the curb outside the departure terminal and he looked at her. "Call me when you get to Dallas." She nodded. "Are you all right, Alex?"

"I just...don't know what I feel right now. I need to talk to Mike."

He lightly touched her arm. "Okay. Be careful and I'll talk to you later."

"Thank you, Captain."

He got out of the car, grabbed his bag from the back seat and disappeared into the airport.

She pulled away from the curb and found a place where she could pull over and make her calls. First she called the ICU. "My name is Alex Eames. Bobby Goren is my husband, and I need to know how he is."

"Let me get his nurse for you. Hold on."

She was on hold for less than five minutes. "Hello, Detective Eames. My name is Martha, and I am your husband's nurse today."

"How is Bobby doing?"

"All things considered, he's not doing badly. He's breathing on his own and his injuries are healing. The doctors are very optimistic now. They're just waiting for him to wake up so we can transfer him upstairs."

"Do you have any idea when he might wake up?"

"No. It's all up to him right now."

"But he's okay?"

"Compared to how he was when he came in, yes, he's okay. They aren't quite sure why he's still unconscious, but he'll wake up when he's ready." She hesitated for a moment. "May I ask you a question, if you don't mind?"

"Go ahead."

"Why has it taken so long for you to call?"

"What do you mean? I just found out what happened. The responsibility for notifying me was yours. I've had no idea where he has been all this time."

"Are you serious?"

"Believe me, if I had known, I would have been there the day he was injured."

"He has been in federal custody since he arrived and we were told all notifications had been made. We just assumed he had no family."

"Quite the opposite. He has a family that loves him very much. They lied to you. We have been actively looking for him and Detective Logan since they went missing on December 27th. The feds have done a good job at keeping them hidden from us." She bit back her anger; this was not the nurse's fault. "I'll be there tonight."

"I'm glad to hear that. We'll look forward to seeing you."

"Uh...one more thing. This may sound stupid, but could you please tell him I'm coming?"

"It's not stupid at all. I'll tell him."

"Thank you."

She sat there for a few minutes. _He's okay._ Her mind firmly grasped those words and they gave her the fortitude to get a grip on her unsettled emotions and make the next call. The nurses' station put her on hold when she told them who she was. The next voice she heard was tired, but it was all Mike. "Hey, sweetheart."

"Don't you 'sweetheart' me, you baboon. How the hell could you do this?"

"Can you be a little more specific, Alex? 'This' can cover a whole helluva lot of stuff recently."

"Mike..." She stopped to gather herself. She felt herself swinging from overwhelming joy and relief to unrelenting anger. Softly, she said, "It was his idea, wasn't it?"

"Taking off? Well, it wasn't really an idea, technically. It was more 'I am going to do this with or without you.' He can be a real pain in the ass and I'm not nearly as adept as you are at talking him out of this shit. So I went with him."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"And bring you into this? He would have shot me. Besides, look what happened to us, Alex. I agreed with him about leaving you and Carolyn out of it. That's about the only thing we agreed on."

Her voice remained soft and she was careful to keep the anger from it. "Are you okay, Mike?"

"I will be. It still hurts like hell. It's kinda like a hangover that won't go away. They say it'll get better and I guess it has. The medicine helps but it tends to knock me on my ass."

"Thank you, Mike."

"Uh, for what?"

"For trying to watch out for him. I do know very well how he can be."

"I'm sorry we worried you."

"Oh, you'll be making that up to us for a long time, believe me."

"I figured as much. Uh, how's my little bunny?"

"You really don't want to know."

His voice became quiet, with no hint of his usual cockiness. "I'm sorry, Alex. I really, really am."

"She's been so lost without the two of you. Maggie has never been clingy, but now she is. You know how she feels about you. You tell me how I was supposed to tell her neither of you was going to come home."

"You _told_ her that?"

"I didn't have to. She's figured it out on her own, and I couldn't tell her any different. I won't lie to my daughter, Mike."

"Oh, God, Alex...I...I can't tell you how sorry I am. Poor kid. What about Tommy?"

"He's a month old and has no idea what's going on. He's fine."

"I don't know what to say."

"Let me just say that you are both very lucky we love you. _That_ will be your saving grace."

"I love you, too, you know. This was hard enough on me. Bobby was going nuts, just sitting and waiting. We had to do _something_."

"So you tried to get youselves killed?"

"That wasn't our intention, and you know it. We thought..."

"_We_, Mike?"

He sighed heavily. "Ok, well, he brought it up. We could sit around and wait for them to get us, or we could head out on our own, find out who the hell was after us and meet 'em head on. That would at least give us a friggin' chance. He made sense to me."

"He can make sense out of anything. You know that. Bobby can be extremely pursuasive and he knows how to word things right to get what he wants."

"No kidding. Too bad we didn't make it to Austin. He would have had a field day talking circles around the FBI agent there."

In spite of her anger, she laughed. "You're probably right. I'll talk to you later; we'll be there tonight."

"We?"

"Carolyn and me."

"I was afraid you were going to say that. Uh, put in a good word with her for me, will ya? Preferably _before_ you get here. After all, this is only half my fault."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks."

"Mike?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for trying. It's not easy to take care of Bobby."

"Tell me about it. See ya later, sweetheart."

"Bye."

She closed her phone and leaned her head against the steering wheel. She felt better than she had since Christmas. _He's okay_. Her mind held on to those two words as she pulled away from the side of the road and headed for her father's house to get ready for the trip to Dallas. She was worried about one thing, and that was how to tell Maggie she was going away for a few days. She spent the rest of the drive trying to figure out the best way to tell her.

------------------------------------------------------

Maggie ran to her as soon as she came in the front door. Alex picked her up and, kissing her lightly, said, "I told you I'd be right back."

"And you comed right back!"

"Yes, I did. Where's Grandpa?"

"Inna kitchen. Tommy telled me he wanted more brefkiss and Grandpa is gettin' it for him."

"I have no idea what we'd do without you, Maggie. Go tell Tommy breakfast is coming."

Alex set her down and headed for the kitchen, where her father was heating a bottle. Keeping her voice quiet, she said, "They found them, Dad. They're in a hospital in Dallas; Carolyn and I leave at five."

He nodded slowly. "How are they?"

"Mike is okay, but Bobby is still in Intensive Care. They were in a car accident three weeks ago. If I knew more, I would take the kids, too, but Bobby's still in a coma and they don't know why."

John sighed. "So, how are we going to tell Maggie you're leaving, too?"

"_We_ aren't. Mike is."

"Alex..."

"I know what I'm doing, Dad. Trust me."

She kissed his cheek and went into the bedroom to pack her overnight bag. Then she called Logan again. When he came on the line, he said, "Forget something?"

"Actually, I have something for you to do that will help you get out of trouble, at least with me."

She wasn't too mad at him. She knew that most of his part in this was simply that he'd gone along with Bobby. She knew how that was. "Ok," he said readily. "You name it."

"Hold on."

She had left the bedroom as she talked and she now stood in the living room, holding the phone out to Maggie. "Somebody wants to talk to you, Maggie."

"Gramma?"

"Come and see."

Alex sat on the couch next to her father as Maggie took the phone. "Hello?"

There was a moment of surprised silence before he said, "Hi, bunny."

Maggie gasped. "Uncle Mike!"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Uncle Mike!"

She started to cry and Alex pulled her gently up onto her lap. Logan's voice was soothing. "Aw, Maggie...don't cry, baby."

"D-do you know where D-daddy is?"

"Yeah, I do, but he's sleeping right now."

"I wanna t-talk to him."

"Soon, sweetheart, very soon. Uh, first, Mommy has to come here to make sure we can come home. Then Daddy and I will come home."

"P-promise?"

"I promise. Mommy can give Grandpa this number and you can call and talk to me."

"An' Daddy?"

"Yeah, and Daddy, after he wakes up."

She sniffed and said, "I _miss_ you."

"I miss you, too, bunny, but I'll see you soon."

"Take care-a Daddy for me, Uncle Mike."

"Of course I will. I love you, Maggie."

"I love you, too."

Alex came back on the line. "Mike?"

"Gee, thanks for that, Alex. You could have warned me."

"Do you have _any_ idea what I have been through these past few weeks, Logan?"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I get it."

"No, Mike. You don't. You have no clue."

"But you're gonna give me one, huh?"

"And then some."

"I can't wait."

"Behave yourself until we get there, will you?"

"Don't worry. They have an agent the size of a gorilla outside my door. I'm not going anywhere."

"See you in a few hours."

"That I really can't wait for."

She smiled. "Bye, Mike."

She closed the phone and put it in her pocket. Maggie had stopped crying and was quietly resting her head against her mother's chest, intermittently sniffling. Alex rubbed her back for a few minutes. Softly, she said, "I'll only be gone for a few days and you can call me anytime, baby."

Maggie didn't answer right away. Finally, she said, "Can I talk to Daddy?"

"Yes, as soon as he can talk to you."

"Why is he sleepin'? He al'ays wakes up for me."

"I know he does. But Daddy got hurt, and right now he's sleeping so he can get better."

"So you're gonna go wake him up?"

"As soon as he's ready to wake up."

"But I can talk to Uncle Mike?"

"Yes."

"Are you gonna bring Daddy and Uncle Mike home?"

"Yes."

She sighed, the same impatient sigh Bobby used when things weren't happening fast enough to suit him. "Okay, Mommy, but hurry. I miss Daddy and Uncle Mike, and I will miss you, too."

Alex kissed her head. "I'll miss you, too, honey. Alot. You and Tommy."

Maggie slowly nodded and took a deep breath, like her mother did to steady herself. "Okay, Mommy. I will take care-a Grandpa and Tommy."

"I'll count on that. Make sure Grandpa's lap doesn't get lonely."

"An' my baby has plen'y-a toys to play with."

Alex laughed. "Of course. Tommy will never be bored with you around, Maggie." _None of us ever will._

She played with Maggie until she had to leave to pick up Barek and head for the airport to catch their plane.


	13. Returning to Her

Eames approached the central nurses' station in the intensive care unit at Baylor University Medical Center. It was after ten and visiting hours were over, but she was hoping they would make an exception and she would not have to wait until morning to see Bobby. Barek had checked into their room at a nearby motel and would deal with her wayward partner in the morning. Eames wasn't willing to wait.

The nurse who was sitting at the station looked up. "May I help you?"

"My name is Alex Eames. I'm a police detective from New York. My husband's name is Goren, and he's been here for the last 3 weeks. They told me to come in when I got here."

She nodded with a small smile. "Would you like to talk to his nurse?"

"Eventually. But right now, I just want to see Bobby."

"Of course. Come with me."

She fell in step beside the nurse, who asked, "What have they told you?"

"They said they are waiting for him to wake up so they can transfer him upstairs."

She nodded. "That's true. Your husband is a real fighter, detective. It was a bad accident, and all three men who were involved were admitted here. Because of previous recent injuries, Robert had a harder time than his friends did, but he's healing well now."

"So why is he still in a coma?"

"That we can't explain. Tests all show good brain function, and his neurologist says to just give him time. When he's ready, he'll wake up."

Alex nodded. "Bobby always does things according to his own agenda."

They approached a glass-enclosed cubicle with the curtains drawn. Outside the doorway, looking uncomfortable in a chair that seemed too small for him, sat a mountain of a man in a dark suit. Everything about him screamed federal agent. The nurse explained, "They insist on parking a gorilla in my ICU. Mike's followed him upstairs. They're afraid of losing track of them again, they told us."

"Don't worry. Neither of them will be going anywhere for some time."

The nurse smiled as she nodded toward the doorway. "We have been trying to keep things quiet for him, to reduce stimulation. Some patients retreat further in response to too much light and noise stimulation. He doesn't need to slip any further away. Maybe having you here will draw him back."

Alex smiled faintly. "I hope so."

"You may stay for as long as you like. Just let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you."

The nurse walked away and Alex stepped past the curtain into the cubicle beyond. The room was dark and quiet. Silently, she stepped up to the side of the bed, studying his face in the glow of the monitor over his bed and the IV pump beside it. There were healing bruises on his face along with an abrasion on his forehead and across his right cheek. A healing laceration, with marks indicating it had been stitched, was in front of his right ear. Slowly, she shook her head and reached her hand toward his face. Her fingers lightly ran along the uninjured side of his face. "What did you do?" she whispered, almost inaudibly.

Leaning down, she softly kissed him, taking a deep breath as she stayed close to him, breathing in his scent, mixed with the antiseptic smell of the ICU. Struggling with herself, she straightened and looked again at his face. Her fingers continued to travel along his jaw line and down to his right shoulder, along his arm to his hand, lightly touching each individual finger before interlacing her own fingers with them. He wore no shirt, and the hair on his chest had been shaved in several small areas to facilitate the attachment of the chest leads that ran to the overhead monitor. Her eyes returned to his face. She almost expected to see him watching her, but he remained silent and still. _Still_…that was the most difficult thing to see, Bobby laying there so still. It was that which frightened her more than anything else. Even sleeping, he was never still for long. Always easily roused by a kiss, a touch, or a small voice whispering "Daddy" in the dark, it troubled her deeply to see him like this. "I'll make a deal with you, Goren," she whispered, loud enough for him to hear. "I should be furious with you. I _really_ should. But if you wake up, I'll just be mad."

Leaning closer, she softly kissed his lips, gently moving her cheek over the stubble on his. Familiar…comforting…exactly what she needed…contact. She was done fighting, done being brave. This was her husband, her partner, and the love of her life. All the stress and uncertainty of the previous weeks flowed over her like a tidal wave and, burying her face in his broad chest, she cried.

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She heard the soft groan and sat forward in her chair, listening. Had she imagined it? No…another groan followed. Rising from the chair she had occupied, on and off, all night long, she stepped to the side of the bed and watched as he fought his way to consciousness. She gently laid a hand on his cheek, smoothing it over his warm skin. His eyes slid open, squinting, even in the subdued light of the room. She could see he was having trouble getting them to focus, but even so, he knew she was the one who stood there by the bed. Softly, his voice hoarse, he called her name. "Hey, you," she whispered, sliding her hand over his forehead to smooth back his hair. "Take it easy."

"Oh, God...Alex...I am _so_ sorry..." She gently wiped the tears that coursed down his cheeks, evidence of his own emotional distress. She ignored the too familiar sensation of the warm tears that trailed from her own eyes. His voice remained soft. "I...you must have...worried..."

Relief coursed through her, and she responded to it by leaning down to firmly kiss him. More tears escaped from her eyes when his hand came up to caress her cheek, her neck, her shoulder. His fingers trailed a light path along her collarbone and she pulled back from the embrace, just far enough that she could see his face. "You stupid ass," she whispered through her tears. "I love you so damn much."

"I...love you, too...Uh, but...I'm gonna...really get it, huh?"

She watched him shift his position, eyes bright with pain. But she wasn't prepared to offer sympathy right now and he sought none. She nodded in agreement. "As soon as you're well enough to get out of this damn bed."

He nodded, trying to moisten his lips. "That's fair." She watched and waited as he slowly breathed in deeply, twice, three times. "M-maggie?"

"She has been so lost. She really doesn't know what to do without you. Bobby, you have no idea how hard this has been. I was..." She choked down more tears as she thought of their little girl and how utterly devastated she had been over the past few weeks as she came to realize something was wrong and Daddy wasn't coming home to her. "I was trying to figure out... how to..." She swallowed another lump. "How to tell Maggie her daddy was never coming home. It would have...destroyed her world, Bobby." Her voice was starting to break, which annoyed her. She swallowed down the raw emotion, focusing instead on her anger and annoyance, though she kept her voice soft. "Like it destroyed mine."

That hit a chord with him; she could see it. "I...I...am sorry..."

He averted his eyes. She didn't take the time to look at it from his point of view, and she wasn't willing to let him withdraw, not right now. She touched his cheek, gently coaxing him to look back at her. He offered no resistance. "Goren, you are in so much trouble with me...and all I can think to do is hug you and never let you go."

She knew he would be much harder on himself than she would ever be on him, but she was being honest. That was _exactly _what she wanted to do.

"I'm all...all for that..." he said with a ghost of a smile, which seemed to be about all he had the strength to manage. "Um, Tom?"

"He's fine. Growing like a weed and eating like a pig."

_And he looks just like you,_ she added in her mind as she recalled the solace she had gotten from her infant son, with those soft little noises he made just for her and his tendency to snuggle deep into her arms, comforting her in ways she never thought another person could.

She met his eyes, saw the smile through the pain as he nodded and placed his hand over hers. Slowly, his fingers closed around hers and she watched as the effort of the brief conversation took its toll on him. His eyes slid closed as he returned to the darkness, but he would be back. It no longer owned him. She stood beside his bed, held his hand, and watched him sleep. She had never experienced anything like the enormous wave of relief that washed over her, consuming her and driving her back to tears. She once more rested her head against his shoulder and cried, but these were different tears. She knew exactly where he was now, and he'd crossed the abyss to come back to her.

When she once more had a hold of herself, she straightened up and let her fingers trail over his cheek. This time he stirred lightly. Even if he didn't waken to it, she was relieved at his response to her touch. She went to the cubicle door and, ignoring the ever-present FBI agent, motioned to the nurse who was taking care of Bobby for the day. The woman crossed the unit to her. Softly, Eames whispered, "He just woke up."

Stepping aside to let the nurse into the cubicle, she gave the agent another dirty look and disappeared into the dim interior.

Doctors and nurses came and went for the better part of an hour before one of them finally came over to her. He was a middle-aged man, gray and balding, but handsome with piercing blue eyes. "I'm told you are his wife."

She accepted his hand. "Alex Eames. Yes, I am."

"We had assumed he had no family since no one contacted us after the accident."

"We assumed he was dead since he was missing and we had no clue where he was," she answered, struggling to keep the irritation from her tone. She still felt the hospital should have taken it upon themselves to find her rather than rely on the word of the agency that put him there.

"I do apologize for that. My name is Kevin Barker. I'm the neurologist who has been taking care of Robert. Everything looks really good right now. Barring any complications, we can move him upstairs tomorrow."

"Thank you."

"Again, I am sorry no one ever contacted you."

"Why did you rely on the FBI to do your job?" she asked.

"We weren't given a choice. They put us under a court order not to contact anyone about him or Detective Logan. The order was only rescinded yesterday, which is why we were able to talk to you at all. They assured us all proper notifications had been made. All we were given were their names and the fact that they were police officers from New York. We were told to do whatever we had to in order to keep them alive. Personally, I'm getting tired of tripping over those hulking agents that have been sitting outside their doors since the day they were admitted. I told them these men are not going anywhere, but they preferred to do things their way."

Mollified, Alex nodded. "That's the FBI for you. I'll let my captain know what you told me. He can deal with it. I'll have my hands full enough when my daughter gets to see him."

"You have children?"

"Two. A girl who is three and a newborn son."

Barker nodded. "I'm sure they'll be glad to have their father back."

"You have no idea, doctor."

He gave her a warm smile and rose, leaving the cubicle. She was once more alone with her husband. Crossing back to the bed, she ran her fingers along his jaw before leaning down to kiss him. He moved a little in response to her and she could feel her apprehension slowly fading. "I love you, you big idiot," she whispered.

Resting her head once more on his chest, she gently ran her fingers over his warm skin and through the curls of soft hair near her face. She felt more than heard his quiet sigh, and she sighed, too. Then silence filled the room once more, broken only by the muted beep of the overhead monitor and the almost silent whisper of the IV pump beside them.


	14. I Didn't Mean It

**A/N: This takes place in chapters 26 and 27 of Forever and A Day. Early in chapter 26, Bobby and Alex have a talk with Matt Crosby, Bobby's CIA agent friend who was with them when they crashed. Bobby is transferred upstairs to the same room as Mike, where the FBI can watch them both ( we know how successful that plan was in the past). Alex is getting the rest of the story from the boys and she is upset…**

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_Goren didn't look at her. "I-I am sorry, Alex."_

_She turned to him, eyes blazing. What the hell could he be apologizing for? This entire ordeal had been incredibly hard for him, more than it had for anyone else. "Sorry? What the hell for? You didn't do anything wrong. So what are you apologizing for?"_

_He looked at her and decided it best not to answer. He just shook his head. "Nothing."_

_She lost her temper entirely. "Tell me! Are you apologizing for marrying me? Or is it Maggie you're sorry about?"_

_As soon as she said it, she knew it was the wrong thing to say, and she immediately regretted it. She looked at Logan, who made no attempt to hide his surprise. Barek looked away so she could not see her reaction. Looking back at Goren, she said, "Bobby..."_

_He shook his head slowly and raised a hand to silence her. "Don't. I...I can't believe you even said that. I...just leave me alone, Eames."_

_He rolled onto his side away from her. She touched his arm. "Bobby..."_

_"Fuck off," he snapped, pulling his arm away._

_She looked at Logan, but he had the sense to look away. She slid off the bed and moved to the window, looking out over the unfamiliar city. Furious and hurt, Goren stared at the wall, unable to calm down. When he heard her turn from the window, he didn't move. Quietly, she said, "What else don't I know?"_

_He didn't move, even though he could feel their eyes on him. "Bobby..." Logan began. "Do you want to..."_

_"No, Logan. I don't. You tell her."_

_"But you..."_

_He turned over quickly...too quickly. He felt a snap in his chest, then blinding pain...then nothing._

Eames stared at her husband as he doubled over with a gasp and a deep groan. "Bobby?"

Nothing.

She looked up, panic in her eyes, as Barek vanished out the door. "Shit," Logan muttered, annoyed at being trapped in the bed by the IV sitting on the other side of it. He watched helplessly as Eames hurried to the bed and leaned over Goren, talking softly but with an edge of panic in her voice he'd never heard before. "Is he okay?"

"He's unconscious."

"What the hell did he do?"

She turned her head to look at him, and he saw panic and raw fear in her eyes. "I don't know, Mike."

The room door banged open and two nurses and a doctor came in. Eames backed away, toward Logan's bed, and watched them work. She stopped when she bumped into the bed. Logan's hand came forward, closing on her arm. He was surprised to feel the tremor coursing through her, and he brought his other arm around to encircle her waist. His voice sounded, soft and reassuring, in her ear. "He'll be okay, Alex."

Another tremor of fear shook her, but she appreciated Logan's comforting arms and leaned into him as she watched the medical personnel at Bobby's bed. One of the nurses turned toward them. "What happened?"

Eames opened her mouth to speak, but no words came and she squeezed Logan's hand firmly. Logan answered the nurse. "He turned over. That's it. But something went 'pop'. I heard it all the way over here and it wasn't a good sound at all."

"Was he in pain?"

"Yes. That much was clear. Whatever popped really hurt him."

She turned back to the bed and Eames tightened her grip on Logan's hand. He whispered again, "He'll be okay."

Another tremor coursed through her and she let him continue to hold her. Again and again over the past few years she had come to appreciate Logan. Sarcastic and unpredictable, he was also always there when she needed him. Even over the past few weeks, he was exactly where she needed him to be: with Bobby. There was no one in the world she trusted more than Logan to back up her husband, except herself. If she couldn't be there, Mike was the one she wanted by his side. Aside from the fact that the two men had developed a deep, genuine and affectionate friendship, Mike loved the family as well, especially Maggie. And he knew as well as she did what would happen to the little girl's world without her daddy.

Now, she drew strength partially from her almost-depleted reserves and partially from Mike. She tightened her grip on his hand and tried to stop trembling as she watched and listened, swallowing her fear and panic.

"Get a portable x-ray up here stat," the doctor ordered. He turned from the bedside and approached Eames. "What did he do, exactly?"

"He just turned over."

"How? Did he twist at all? Did he move slowly or quickly?"

"He turned at the waist, quickly. He was…" She hesitated. "He was angry."

The doctor sighed, nodding. Moving his hand over his own chest, he explained, "Your husband exacerbated a previous recent injury. He has a couple of incomplete fractures in his chest, near his sternum, from the accident. When he turned over, he snapped one of those ribs. It doesn't appear to have displaced itself, but I want an x-ray, just to be certain."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Yes. He'll be fine. We've given him a dose of a stronger pain medication, so he'll probably sleep for awhile, but he's going to be fine."

Logan felt her body relax in his arms, but there was still an underlying tremor coursing through her muscles. He instinctively knew she was trying not to cry, and that troubled him. He hated to see a woman cry, but watching this woman cry, or even just sit there near tears, tore at his heart. The doctor turned away to speak with the one nurse who remained in the room, and Logan brought his mouth close to her ear again. "It's okay now, Alex."

She swallowed hard, but she couldn't get past the lump in her throat. Without a word, she turned in Logan's arms and let him hold her against his chest until she finally felt in control again. He released her immediately when she pulled back. In silence, she studied his face, with its healing bruises and abrasions. His left eye was badly bruised, extending across his cheekbone toward his ear. She leaned forward and gave him an affectionate kiss. "Mike," she said softly. "If you and Bobby _ever _do anything like this again, I swear on a stack of Bibles I will knock the crap out of the both of you."

"I'll let you."

She smiled and rested her hand lightly on his cheek. Laying his hand on her waist, he pulled her back into a hug. "I'm as sorry as he is that we put you through this, Alex. We never intended…"

"Mike," she interrupted as she pulled back and laid her fingers on his lips. "I understand why you did what you did, both of you. That doesn't mean I approve of the way you did it, and it certainly doesn't absolve either of you of the responsibility for what happened. But I love both of you, and eventually, you'll finally be out of trouble with me."

"Just in time to get in trouble for something else, right?" he answered with a grin.

"Probably. I don't know which of you is worse."

"I call it a fair tie," he laughed softly. Then he touched her chin. "You all right now?"

She nodded. "I'm better. Now will you tell me what else I don't know about all this? I feel like I'm entitled to know why the FBI damn near killed you two."

"I'm not entirely sure I know why. Most of it just doesn't make any sense." Barek came over and sat on the edge of the bed near his hip as he talked, watching Eames' reactions as Logan went through the task of explaining what he knew about the entire case, stopping only when the X-ray technician arrived to take Goren's x-rays. Once the tech was done, he finished his explanation.

By the time he was done, she had turned to lean against the bed, her head fairly spinning from the whole thing. Barek moved closer and slid her arm around her friend. "Why don't we get out of here for a little while, Alex? Get some fresh air and maybe some dinner."

"But…" Her eyes strayed across the room to her husband's sleeping form. "He was wrong…" she said quietly. "We were all wrong."

Logan nodded. "We were. But that's what Ricky wanted. I can't say I understand why he played it that way, but he did." He paused. "Um, Alex, you can't really think he's sorry for marrying you. And you certainly can't think he's sorry for fathering Maggie. Don't you have any idea what you two mean to him?"

"Of course I know how much he loves us, and no, I wasn't serious about that. I was angry, that's all."

"That's all? Alex…"

"I know, Mike. I know. That hurt him. But you know what? I hurt, too. Neither of you have any clue what the last few weeks have been like. You will never have to watch Maggie mope around because she's lost her best guys. You don't know what it was like, and it's not anything I can ever describe. I feel like I've had my heart torn from my chest and that's something that's going to take a lot of healing."

Logan was quiet, sensing for a change that anything he said would only make matters worse. Besides, he had no idea what to say. This was something he couldn't talk or charm his way out of. He was also coming to realize it was one of those rare occasions Bobby wouldn't be able to either. That made him feel a little better. Not wanting to be on the receiving end of her wrath, he decided against telling her how sorry he was, but he was sorry. However, seeing what happened when she got a blanket apology, all he did was say, "Maybe Carolyn's right, Alex. Go get some fresh air and something to eat. The doc said he'd sleep for awhile."

She looked at Barek, who nodded encouragingly. "Come on."

"Keep an eye on him, Mike?"

"Sure thing."

As they headed for the door, he heard her tell Barek, "What am I doing, asking Mike to keep an eye on him? Look what happened last time I did that…"

Barek's soft laughter was the last thing he heard from them.

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It was getting late when Barek and Eames got back to the hospital. Both women were annoyed by the two huge, ever-present FBI agents sitting in the hall. They both made a point of giving them disapproving looks whenever they passed them, but neither agent seemed to notice. If they did, they chose simply to ignore them, as they did the medical staff who gave them the same looks.

Barek pushed the door open and whispered as they passed into the room, "Do you think they're sleeping?"

"I hope so," Eames replied, being sincere. She wasn't really up to another argument with Bobby, not after what had happened last time.

"No such luck," Logan whispered through the darkness.

"Why are you sitting here in the dark?" Barek asked him.

"Because if I turn the light on I might wake Goren."

"Like all the whispering won't," Goren grumbled, irritated. "Turn the damn light on, Logan, before somebody trips and gets hurt."

Logan reached toward the wall and turned on the light over his bed. Barek walked to his bedside and set a small styrofoam container on the tray table, frowning at his untouched dinner. "Why didn't you eat?"

"I just wasn't hungry."

Eames watched carefully as Goren pushed himself up in the bed. She noticed that his tray had not been touched either. She remained across the room, standing beneath the television mounted near the ceiling on Mike's side of the room. She wasn't sure about what to do or what to say, so she chose a safe subject. "You need to eat," she said softly.

"Alex..." he began tentatively.

She didn't want another apology from him, and she was afraid that was all he had to offer. She needed more from him than that; she knew he was sorry. She shook her head, folding her arms across her abdomen and averting her eyes. When she glanced over at him, he had leaned back against the pillow and looked away, toward the ceiling. She knew by his posture that he was still upset, but she wasn't at a point where she was able to mollify that for him; she was still very upset herself.

"I need to get the hell out of here," Logan grumbled, distracting her from her unsettled musing.

Barek jumped on that statement. "Dream on, cowboy. You're not going anywhere."

He looked up at her, glancing at Goren and then at Eames. "I just want to go home, where I can at least identify the food as edible, even if I make it myself," he said. He pushed the tray away and turned onto his side.

Barek laid a hand on his arm and watched the other two detectives try to ignore each other. "Alex," she hissed, nodding her head toward Goren.

Eames frowned at her and she repeated the movement. Barek felt strongly that she should be the one to make the first gesture because Bobby was not sure exactly where he stood with her right now…and that, she was certain, scared him. She took a deep breath and moved closer to his bed. She took the cover off his dinner. "Hey, broth...and jello. Gourmet dinner."

"Help yourself," he grumbled.

She wasn't certain if he was still angry or just irritable because he was in pain. Her money was on angry. She knew she had crossed the line with what she said, but there was no way to take it back now. She stepped past the tray and reached out a hand toward him, hesitating. She started to withdraw her hand, but decided against it. She had never, in all the years she had known him, seen him so angry with her, and she didn't like it one bit. This was uncharted territory for her and she didn't quite know what to do about it. Bobby always dealt with these situations by withdrawing, but that just wasn't her. She always tended to take the bull by the horns and look him straight in the eye. So she made up her mind and continued moving her hand closer. Her fingers touched his arm. She felt his muscles tense, but he didn't pull away like he had earlier, and he didn't object, to her relief.

He tentatively moved his hand toward hers, covering it, but still he did not look at her. Quietly, he mumbled, "I was rude. I-I'm sorry. I should n-never have said that to you."

She shrugged, bringing her other hand up to touch his temple. Lightly, her fingers teased the graying curls above his ear. "I was way out of line," she responded. "I was...angry...and I wanted to lash out. So I did."

She couldn't mistake the pain in his voice, and it hurt her more, knowing she was responsible for much of it being there. He still refused to look up, focusing instead on her hand where it rested beneath his, on his arm. "How could you question how I feel...about any of you? If you can't tell...I've gotta be doing something wrong. You wanted to hurt me? Well, you did. I hope it made you feel better."

"It didn't, okay? As for hurting you, I picked that up from you. Words are your weapon and you taught me how to use them effectively."

A tear rolled down his cheek, unchecked. Finally, he did look up, and the pain she saw in him hit her like a physical blow. "Dammit, Eames. You _have_ to know...You _have_ to...I... Shit, no one in the world means more to me...than Maggie..."

She looked away. She was well aware of the place their little girl occupied in his heart, and she had always been grateful to him for putting her there. What she never realized was that he wasn't the one responsible for that. He had never _put _her or Maggie in his heart. They both had found their own way there, without his help, or even his approval, at first. She shifted on her feet, unsettled. "I know that..." she whispered, choking back another damn lump.

He moved his hand from its place over hers, placing his fingers under her chin so he could turn her face toward him. He met her eyes and held her gaze. Now she saw more than pain; now she saw sincerity..and love. "No one...except you."

_Damn it… _She felt the tears spill over and run, unchecked, down her cheeks. He had no clue how damn tired she was of crying! Tenderly, he wiped away the tears from one cheek and shook his head. "Don't cry..."

Gently he pulled her into his arms and held her, kissing her head as she quietly sobbed. She pressed her face into his shoulder, annoyed at herself for losing it yet again. This was really getting old. She wanted--no, she _needed_--to be angry with him. But she couldn't…not yet. "I didn't mean to make you cry," he said miserably. "I never do."

She pulled back from his arms and smacked him. "I don't know what the hell to do with you," she said, wiping at her eyes. "I _want_ to be mad at you, dammit, but I can't! I can't even make myself be mad anymore. And that pisses me off. Bobby..." She threw up her hands in surrender. "Do you know how hard it was getting for me to tell Maggie you two clowns would be home soon, not knowing where the hell you even were...or if you were ever going to come home again? She cried herself to sleep at night, and so did I! You _know_ how I hate feeling helpless...but that's exactly how I've been feeling...helpless and so utterly alone. I've already buried one cop husband and divorced and then buried another. I won't survive if I lose you, too, you son of a bitch!"

She hit him again, and he made no move to stop her. He tilted his head to catch her eyes, and now she caught a glimmer of amusement. "You do a pretty good impression of someone who's mad," he told her, the hint of a smile finding its way past the pain in his body.

She shook her head, and she couldn't help laughing. "You ass."

Sliding her arms around him, she buried her face in his neck. She relaxed as his arms tightened around her, and she felt his light kiss against her temple, his hand stroking her head. It felt so good to be in his arms. She leaned back to look at him, gently rubbing his cheek, letting herself get lost in his eyes...drawing closer, kissing him deeply. The only thing that registered in her mind was that he was here, alive and back with her, where he belonged, where she desperately needed him to be. Now she knew what life was like without him, and it was a life she wanted no part of. When he groaned softly, she suddenly remembered where they were, and why. She pulled back and he struggled briefly to catch his breath. Concerned, she quietly asked, "Are you okay?"

"F-fine."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

He choked back a laugh. "Not hardly. But if you keep that up before I heal a little more, you might."

She stared at him for a moment before she started laughing. Sitting on the edge of the bed, facing him, she caressed the side of his face. Closing his eyes, he pressed his cheek into her hand. "I missed you so much," she whispered.

He curled his arm around her waist and pulled her closer as he leaned back. Turning, she settled against his side and returned her gaze to his face as he said, "I was miserable without you."

"You had it easy, Goren," she replied, but there was no edge to her voice. She was trying hard to hold back her anger. "All this time has passed for you and you weren't here to suffer through it."

He reacted to the word suffer. She continued watching his face and the emotions that played across his features. "We tried to get to Austin before anything happened. We knew we were racing against time, and we had no idea how much of it we had left. When the clock ran out, we got hit hard. But I never planned for any of that to happen."

"I know that, Bobby." She rested her head against his shoulder and gently rubbed her hand over his stomach, sighing softly, content. He kissed her head and hugged her tighter, keeping her close. If he had his way, he would never let her go again, and if she had hers, she wouldn't let him.


	15. A Long Trip

Maggie leaned back in the big seat as her grandfather leaned over her and buckled the seatbelt across her lap. She wasn't sure at all what to make of this. All Grandpa had told her was that they were going to where Mommy was. She asked if Daddy and Uncle Mike were there, too, but Grandpa didn't know. She watched as Grandpa settled back in his own seat, buckled his seatbelt and took Tommy from the stewardess with a thank you. She leaned over and gently rubbed her little brother's tummy. "Don' be scared, Tommy."

It helped her feel better when she told her baby it would be okay. She told him every night that Daddy would be home soon, and he would read to them and play with them. She told him Daddy would play airplane with him and that game was a lot of fun. Daddy was a lot of fun. Airplane was fun with Daddy, but it wasn't so fun right now, and it wasn't a game. Airplanes were _really _big...and loud...and scary. She _really _wished Daddy was there with her. Then she wouldn''t be so scared.

"Where are we goin' again, Grandpa?"

"To Texas."

"Is it far?"

"Yes, sweetheart. We'll get there after supper."

"But we jus' eated lunch."

"I know. First we are going to stop in Georgia for an hour and a half and then we'll go on to Texas."

"And Mommy will be there?"

"Yes. And Uncle Jimmy."

"But what about Daddy and Uncle Mike? I talked to Uncle Mike. Is Mommy with him?"

John leaned over toward her and said softly, "Mommy didn't tell me, sweetheart. So we'll wait and see when we get there, okay?"

She sighed, and he saw little Alex in that sigh and that look. "Okay, Grandpa."

The plane's engines began to rev as she sat back in her seat. She was uncertain about this. Cars didn't fly, and this was bigger than a car. She saw planes in the air all the time, and she wondered how they got there, but she never thought she would have to ride in one. It wouldn't be so scary if Daddy was here... She took a deep breath and trembled. "What's the matter, Maggie?"

Grandpa always knew when she was upset. She leaned her head onto his arm and tried not to cry. Grandpa slid his arm from under her head, which she rested against his side, and he hugged her. She sighed again. The plane began to move and she tensed up. "It's okay, baby," Grandpa said, smoothing her curls back along the side of her head.

On her way down the aisle to check seatbelts, the stewardess leaned over. "Is she all right?"

"She's never flown before. She'll be fine."

"Once we get up in the air, I'll get her some juice."

"Thank you."

Maggie listened, terrified as the engines worked themselves to a roaring whine and the plane began its trip down the runway. She buried her face in Grandpa's side and held him tight. Holding Tommy in one arm, he tightened his other arm around her, leaned his head close to hers and murmured reassuringly to her. She was too scared to listen. Her stomach lurched when the plane left the ground and she pulled Grandpa closer. She didn't loosen her grip until the loudspeakers began to talk. Then, her curiosity got the better of her and she looked up. Grandpa kissed her head. "See, angel? Everything is all right."

She looked around and saw the people across the aisle talking and laughing. After a few minutes, the stewardess came over to them and handed Grandpa a cup of apple juice. She smiled and asked kindly, "Are you all right now?"

Maggie just nodded, still holding onto Grandpa's arm. Grandpa lowered the tray in front of him and set her juice down. Gently, he unbuckled her seatbelt and told her, "Look out the window, Maggie."

Reluctantly releasing his arm, she stood up and looked out the window. The ground was far below them, and they were surrounded by huge whisps of what looked like cotton candy. Confused, she looked at Grandpa. "Why is cotton candy out there?"

He laughed softly. "Those are the clouds, Maggie."

"We're inna clouds?" she whispered in awe.

"Yes."

She turned back to the window and watched the clouds whisper by. _Wait until Daddy hears... _she stopped her thoughts and sat down in her seat, frowning.

Grandpa touched her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

She frowned and stayed quiet for a moment. "I miss Daddy," she said sadly. "He never goed away before." She looked at Grandpa. "Why did he go now? I don' 'member bein' a bad girl."

"Oh, baby..." Grandpa pulled her up onto his lap next to Tommy. "You weren't a bad girl. Daddy going away has nothing to do with you, and I know he misses you as much as you miss him." _Probably more..._

"But he didn' call me."

"And why do you think Daddy wouldn't call you?"

"I don' know," she said, her lower lip trembling.

Grandpa pulled her closer to him and he kissed her head. "I can think of only one reason. He hasn't called you because he can't call you."

"But _why_?"

Grandpa took a deep breath and finally, in a very quiet voice, said, "Daddy got hurt, honey. That's why he hasn't called you."

Hurt? She felt...scared, all over again. "Nobody telled me."

"Nobody knew."

Now she couldn't hold back the tears that filled her eyes. "I...need my daddy..."

Another kiss against her head..."I know you do, Maggie. And Daddy needs you, too. We'll get it all worked out, I promise."

She slid from his lap and climbed back in her seat. Leaning her head against the wall, she sniffed and sank into herself. How could Daddy let himself get hurt? And who could have hurt him? He had a gun, so bad guys couldn't hurt him first. Wasn't he watching? And why didn't anyone tell her he was hurt? What did Grandpa mean, nobody knew? Mommy always knew everything. But Mommy had been sad lately. She saw her crying...so maybe she didn't know, either. She had a lot of questions running around in her head, and only Daddy could answer them...

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She didn't like this at all. The white walls and shiny floors made her uneasy, and those two big men over there looked mean. They didn't smile or anything. They didn't even look at her. Maybe that was a good thing. They looked grumpy. She leaned closer to Grandpa and wrinkled her nose. This place smelled funny, too, like the place Daddy was in after he fell at Grandpa's, when his tummy was all red. She shuddered at the memory. Uncle Mike had been there and he held her when she was so scared. But Uncle Mike wasn't here, either.

She looked up when the door across the hall opened and Uncle Jimmy came out. He came over to her and held out his hands. She readily went to him and hugged him tight. It was good to see somebody else that she loved. She squeezed tighter. He kissed her softly and whispered, "This has been hard for you, hasn't it, sweetheart?"

She nodded, but no words would come. She just took a deep, uneven breath. Uncle Jimmy squeezed her tighter and she felt better, like when Grandpa squeezed her. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I have a surprise for you, Maggie."

She picked her head up. "What kinda surprise, Uncle Jimmy?"

"A very good one."

He looked at Grandpa and then carried her through the doorway, past the grumpy-looking men. They entered a room, and she wasn't sure she liked it, until she saw Mommy, and then, just past her..."Daddy!"

She squirmed in Uncle Jimmy's arms and he set her on the floor. She ran as fast as she could, until she felt Mommy lift her on to the bed. She scrambled over the sheets and into Daddy's arms. He held her close, his cheek resting against her head. "How's my little mouse?" he whispered. "I missed you."

She stayed where she was, holding him, hugging him tighter, just to be sure he was really there. Finally, she pulled back and looked at him. "You were gone for a long time, Daddy," she said with a pout.

He touched her chin. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm not going to do that any more." He kissed her forehead and gently turned her face toward the other side of the room. "Take a look over there, mouse."

Maggie squealed again. "Uncle Mike!"

She dove toward him in her excitement, but Daddy caught her before she sailed headfirst off the bed. Mommy set her on the floor and she ran as fast as she could for his bed. He pulled her up into a tight hug. "How's my best girl?"

She patted his face. "You're back!"

"Back to stay, little bunny." He poked her nose and she wrinkled it for him. With a laugh, he pulled her into another hug. She kissed him and slid back down to the floor, bouncing back across the room to be with Daddy. She had missed them both sooo much!

She let Mommy lift her back onto the bed and she knelt beside Daddy. "I taked good care-a my baby, Daddy."

"Did you?"

"Yeah, but he still won' play with me. I keep giving him my toys, but he won' play." She still didn't understand that. They told her he would play with her when he got bigger, and she wondered just how big he would have to get.

"He's still little. Give him a chance."

"But ev'eyone says he's big!"

Daddy hugged her and kissed her head. "Be patient, mouse."

She turned to look over her shoulder, to show Daddy how big Tommy was, but she didn't see him or Grandpa anywhere. "Grandpa!"

She watched Grandpa come into the room with her baby and listened as Daddy told him, "You look good."

"Maggie keeps me busy," he answered with a smile. "And Alex has taken very good care of me."

"Me, too!" Maggie piped. She really had taken good care of Grandpa...and her baby...and even Mommy. She tried to cheer Mommy up when she was sad, but it was hard when she felt sad so much herself. But she tried. She decided not to tell Daddy that she and Mommy had been sad, not right now. Something inside her told her that would upset him, and she just got him back. Maybe that was something she could tell him later, after they were home, because she knew he would talk to her about it. He talked to her about everything.

"Yes, Maggie. You, too," Grandpa agreed.

"I bringed Grandpa my story at night to read to me."

Grandpa smiled. "That saves me a dozen steps every day."

She watched Daddy laugh, but he stopped quickly. He didn't look right...something hurt him. "You got a owie, Daddy?"

"Just a small one. Nothing to worry about." He kissed her forehead as Grandpa came to him and placed the baby in his arms.

Maggie knelt on Daddy's legs and looked at Tommy with him. Eyes open, Tommy looked at the faces above him before he shoved his fist in his mouth and started sucking. With a smile, Daddy stroked the side of the baby's face with a finger. "Look, Daddy." She pressed her finger against the baby's hand. Tommy closed his little hand around her finger. "He likes to hold my hand."

"I see that. You've taken very good care of your baby, Maggie."

She watched Mommy come over and take the baby. "Rest," she said softly.

With a contented sigh, Maggie snuggled into Daddy's lap and rested her head back against his chest, watching Mommy bring Tommy over to see Uncle Mike. Daddy put his arm around her and she rested her hands on it, gently rubbing. She looked up at him; he looked tired. She was tired, too, and she yawned, not paying any attention to the laughter from the others in the room. He turned onto his side, shifting her onto the mattress beside him. She snuggled into his arms, happy and content. She yawned again, turning into him, and she buried her hand in his hair. She always felt safe in his arms, and now, being back with him, she felt that everything was right again, where before nothing had been. She closed her eyes and let herself go to sleep, and she had _good _dreams.


	16. Something to Think About

The transfer from Dallas to New York was smooth. Deakins had talked with the admissions office and he'd convinced them to place the two men in a room together. He felt better having them both in the same place, and something told him it was reassuring for them and their partners as well. Logan handled the transfer with ease. They weren't willing to take any chances with Goren, though, especially after the incident with his rib. So they medicated him heavily and he was never even aware of the transfer.

They arrived in New York on Wednesday, in the early evening. Logan had dinner with his best girl sitting in his lap, looking over from time to time at her sleeping daddy. Every time she did, Logan would whisper soft reassurances in her ear. "Daddy will be playing with you again in no time, bunny. He just needs to sleep now so he can get better."

He cut up half of his chicken cutlet for her and let her have all of his corn and his apple juice. Naturally, she laid claim to his pudding and he let her have that, too. Eames just shook her head. "You spoil her, you know that, Logan?"

"Yep. It's in my job description as her uncle."

"Apparently, it's the same in her father's job description."

"It is," he answered, taking a bite of chicken and winking at her. "I saw it."

She laughed. "You're an idiot, Mike."

"Yeah, I know." He nodded toward the other bed. "How long they gonna keep him out?"

"They told me he'd be out for a good eight hours."

"It was a friggin three-and-a-half hour flight. Why'd they do that to him?"

"They were worried about putting any more stress on his system, and they didn't want him in any more pain than he already was."

"Great. So when you and Maggie leave, I'll have nothing to do."

"Don't you think you've had enough excitement for awhile?"

"I don't want anything exciting. Just someone to play cards with and talk to."

Maggie tipped her head back to look up at him. "I'll play cards with you, Uncle Mike. I can play Go Fish."

"Great, sweetheart. Finish eating and we'll play Go Fish."

He looked at Eames in time to catch her laughing quietly as she crossed the room to her husband's bedside, and he smiled, kissing Maggie's head. Go Fish sounded like a great idea, as long as Maggie was the one he was playing it with.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He groaned as pain bit into his consciousness...again. This was really getting old. He was tired of hurting. He shifted his position and stifled another groan. Opening his eyes, he could only make out vague shapes in the darkness. It was night, and he didn't want to wake Logan. Pushing himself up onto the pillows, he became aware of the differences in the room, and he realized they must already have been tranferred back to New York. Well, that was something. One step closer to home...

"Bobby?"

"Alex? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to be here when you woke up."

"Oh. I, uh..." He seemed to change his mind about what he wanted to say. "Where are the kids?"

"They're spending the night at my sister's."

"Good." He closed his eyes, waiting for a wave of pain to pass. "Y-you're due back at work soon, aren't you?"

"Next week. Friday is Bishop's last day and I'm back Monday. I'll partner with Carolyn until Mike comes back, and then I'll be back on a desk until you come back."

"I..." he sighed, again changing his mind and stopping, trying to think of something else to say. But nothing came to mind, so he fell silent.

She had risen from her chair and moved closer to the bed. He could make out the outline of her body in the dim light that came from the machine on the other side of his bed. He could see her face, but he couldn't make out her features well. With no way to gauge her emotions, he was tentative about what to say. The only thing that came to mind was to apologize, but he remembered how well that went over last time. Absently, he rubbed a hand over his ribcage, taking a deep breath and choking back a groan of pain at the fire that flared through his chest. "Do you want me to get a nurse?" she asked.

"No. Not right now. I want...to spend a little time with you."

Leaning closer, she gave him a soft kiss, reassuring him. She had not missed his hesitancy, or his inclination to stay with safe subjects. She heard him move in the bed, heard the change in his breathing and knew he hurt. Easing herself onto the bed, she sat close, her hip against his, her knee resting lightly against his side. His hand came to rest on her calf and she ran her fingers along his forearm. "You know I'm sorry," he said softly. "I won't tell you that again."

She didn't miss the fact that his other arm was braced against his chest. His ribs must be really hurting him. She sighed. "Bobby, I don't want you in so much pain. Let me get your nurse..."

He tightened his grip on her calf. "Just sit with me for a minute," he whispered. "I..."

Again, he trailed off. She was troubled by his uncertainty. "Bobby, do you have any idea how much I love you?"

When he didn't answer, she smiled warmly. "It's not a trick question, you know."

"I...I don't know what you're looking for, Alex."

"Just an answer. An honest answer."

"Then, um...apparently not. I...I thought I did...but..." He looked down, away from the shadow of her face, and fell silent again.

"Ok, this isn't going to work," she grumbled. "I need to see your face, and I think you need to see mine." She slid off the bed and pulled the curtain divider along the side of the bed, so the light wouldn't wake Logan. Flipping a switch, she turned on the light that shined down on his bed. Stepping to the end of the curtain, she looked toward Logan. He was still sleeping. Quietly, she returned to her place beside Bobby. Pressing her hip more firmly into his, she sighed. "Better?"

He nodded. Seeing her face, he could better tell what she was feeling. And he now realized the if he kept his movements to a minimum, the pain wasn't so bad. "What do you want from me, Alex?" he whispered.

"Just your attention."

He tried to moisten his lips, but his mouth was as dry as his lips were. Pulling herself onto one knee and leaning across his waist, she reached for the pitcher of water on the tray table that was on the other side of the bed. His hand came up to lightly tickle her waist, which she absolutely did not expect. Jerking her arm, she dropped the plastic pitcher, which hit the bedrail as it fell to the floor, dumping ice cold water over half the bed. He jerked away from the cold wetness, hitting the leg she was balancing on and collapsing her body across his. Pain shot through his chest, but even so, he was trying hard not to laugh. That hurt even worse. "Shit!" Eames growled. She poked him in the stomach. "What did you do that for?"

He wasn't sure which pain was worse, that caused by his sudden movement or the effort not to laugh. With a deeper breath than he was used to taking, he focused on the pain to bring himself under control, but a chuckle manage to escape before the pain overwhelmed his amusement. From the other side of the curtain, an annoyed voice growled, "What the hell are you two doing over there?" A pause. "On second thought, never mind. I don't think I want to know."

Annoyed, Eames jumped off the bed and yanked the curtain back. "You got something to say, Logan?"

He looked at her, then at Goren, who was trying hard to look innocent. "I guess not," he answered.

Goren said quietly, "Maybe you should get the nurse now, Alex."

"Did you get hurt?" she asked, concerned.

He shook his head. "No, but my chest is killing me now, and I'm all wet."

She looked at him for a moment before she started to laugh. "Aw, no," he muttered. "Don't do that to me."

When Logan joined in, he knew he was in trouble. He took a couple of slow breaths, trying not to laugh. She stepped to his side and pressed her head against his. "Serves you right for tickling me," she whispered.

He kissed her. "Go get the nurse," he whispered back. "Please."

Running a finger lightly along his jaw, she sighed, kissed him and headed out of the room. Logan was shaking his head. "What did you do?"

"Me? She was reaching across me for the water."

"And?"

He shrugged. "I couldn't help it." He sighed. "I've missed her, Mike."

Logan nodded. "Yeah, I know you have."

The door opened and a nurse came in, looking from him to the wet sheets and the water on the floor. He grinned at her. She tried to look stern. "You just woke up, detective. What happened?"

Before he could reply, Eames answered, "That was my fault. I was getting him a drink of water and I dropped it. Sorry about the mess."

With a smile, the nurse disappeared into the bathroom, returning with a few towels, which she dropped onto the wet floor. Then she pulled a syringe from her pocket and injected its contents into his IV line. "Let me know if that doesn't help. I can give you something else with it if you need it."

He nodded. Eames smiled at her. "Thank you. I'll clean this up."

"I'll be right back with clean sheets."

"Thank you."

Goren had leaned back on his pillow as the medicine kicked in, making his head spin. She eyed him. "Better?"

He nodded. "As long as you don't make me start laughing again."

Smiling, she cleaned up the water from the floor, picking up the pitcher and setting it on the tray table. The nurse returned quickly. By the time she and Eames had finished moving him around to change everything, he was in a great deal of pain, in spite of the medicine she had already given him. Anticipating it, she had brought the additional medicine, which she gave him. "Let me know if you need anything else," she said with a soft smile as she left the room.

Eames grinned at Logan as she stepped up to her husband's bedside. She watched him struggle against the medicine and shook her head slowly, leaning over and kissing him lightly. "Go to sleep, Bobby."

He needed no further encouragement. Squeezing her hand lightly, he stopped fighting and let himself sleep.

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When he woke again, it was mid-morning. Eames was playing cards with Logan. Logan was the first to notice that he was watching them. With a grin, he said, "You should have been awake yesterday. I got to play Go Fish with Maggie...for two-and-a-half hours."

Goren smiled wearily. "Been there, done that," he replied.

Eames laid her cards down on the tray and stepped away from it. "Don't," she warned as Logan's hand hovered over her cards.

He laughed. "Like you're gonna come back and finish the game."

She stepped up to the bed and looked into Goren's face. "You all right?"

"Sure. It's just sore right now."

"They've been in every few hours to give you something. They plan to get you up this afternoon."

"Sounds like fun."

"I'm going to go and get the kids so they can come up to visit you, but I wanted to give you something to think about before I go."

Logan groaned. "What did I do to you, Alex? I even let you win that last hand. Now you're gonna give him something to _think _about and then leave?"

"Be quiet, Mike."

He gathered the cards together and grumbled to himself as he shuffled the deck.

Goren wasn't sure he wanted to think the way she wanted him to, not right now. Reaching toward her, he gently played with the hem of her shirt. She pushed his hand away, but he was persistent. "Cut it out and be serious, Bobby. Just for a few minutes."

"I don't want to be serious, Alex. I want...I just want you, okay? I know I caused you a hell of a lot of worry, and I wish there had been another way." His fingers touched her lips before she could answer. "I know you think there was, but we didn't. We did what we had to do."

She looked toward the ceiling as she gathered her thoughts and debated the best way to say what she had to say. "I understand that. But there's something you haven't yet realized."

"What's that?"

"The last time was saw you was Christmas. That was a month ago. Then, you vanished. Think about that, Bobby. I want you to _think _about how you would have felt if Carolyn and I had been the ones to just up and disappear, not giving you a single clue to our whereabouts. Not one. How would you have felt, having no idea about whether we were dead or alive? You think about that. You put yourself in my place now. And while you're at it...toss your daughter into the mix...and the son you don't know yet." There was more, but she stopped herself. She leaned over and kissed him. "I'm going to get the kids while you wrap your brain around that scenario. We'll discuss it this afternoon after I get back." She hesitated at the door. "And don't even think you can get out of this with a damn apology because it's not going to work. I _know _you're sorry. I want more than that from you."

Logan watched her leave, hollaring after her. "Thanks, Alex!" He shifted his gaze over to Goren, who was frowning. "Bobby?"

Goren looked at him, his eyes dark with a look he couldn't quite interpret. "I...I never thought of that, Mike. I-I should have. I was so fucking miserable without them, without her, that I never once thought about what it might be like for her, with me not there. I wanted so badly to protect her...I never once thought about what she must be going through, not knowing where we were or what we were up to. How...how could I have...And Maggie..." He groaned softly as the full impact of her request hit him. He swore softly. "What did I do?"


	17. Pain

When Eames got back to the hospital, she was surprised to find Goren asleep. Maggie ran over to Logan and he picked her up onto his bed, giving her a hug. She looked across the room. "Daddy's _still _sleeping? He _never _sleeps a lot."

"Yeah, well, Daddy's had some trouble lately, bunny. He'll be okay soon. Just be patient. In the meantime, you can play with me."

She perked up, hugging his neck again then settling down in his lap. "Okay, Uncle Mike!"

Eames was beside his bed now. He held his arms out for the baby. "He'll be waking up soon and you gotta talk to him. Dammit, Alex..." He shook his head, clearly annoyed. "You should never have done that."

"What happened?"

He pulled the tray table closer and gave Maggie the applesauce he'd saved for her from his lunch. Keeping his voice low, he said, "Did you happen to forget who he is? Oh, he got his mind wrapped around what you told him okay. And he got so damn agitated they had to sedate him. The next time you want to give him something to think about, give him a math problem or part of a case to work on. You know, something that's not going to send him into a friggin' meltdown. Now I'm gonna sit here with my bunny and this little monster and you're gonna sit over there and talk to him when he wakes up. Then he can play with his kids and cheer the hell up."

Eames was quiet for a moment before she sighed. "I'm sorry, Mike, but you have no idea what went on while you two were off playing secret agent."

"Playing? You think this was _any _fun for either of us?" Now he was getting angry. "We weren't off getting trashed and sleeping around, Eames! How long have you known him? Do you doubt for even one second that it was easy for him to be away from you?" He took a deep breath to settle himself down before he upset Maggie. He _really_ wished Alex had waited before dumping this on Goren. His body was still having trouble handling his injuries, even though he was healing. "Go sit with him and then straighten all this out. I'll talk to you later."

She hesitated for a moment, but he turned his full attention to the two children. So she left his bedside and crossed the room to Bobby. Pulling the privacy curtain along the bedside, she sat on the side of his bed and waited.

She didn't have long to wait. His breathing changed first, and then he groaned softly. When his eyes fluttered open and he saw her, there was no mistaking the pain that filled them. "I...I should have...oh, God, Alex...I am so sorry...I know you don't want to hear that, but I am. I really am."

"I know that. But...Bobby, tell me what was going through your head. How could you have just...taken off like that?"

He pushed himself up in the bed and settled into the pillow. "After spending Christmas with you, I knew that I couldn't just sit there and wait for...well, whatever. I just...all I could think about was being home. I wanted to be with you, to play with Maggie..." His voice got softer. "I wanted to hold my son." He shifted restlessly and ran his hand over his hair in a gesture she knew well. "I didn't take off on a whim. I thought about it long and hard. I...tried to leave Mike behind, but he wouldn't stay. I felt bad for getting him in as deep as I did. But he felt it would be better if we stuck together. And...I nearly got him killed."

"Bobby..."

"No, Alex. You told me to think about this, so I did. You said I didn't do anything wrong...and then you pointed out that I did...so I'm not sure exactly where you stand on all this. But that isn't important right now." He sighed. "We didn't know about Waters until we got to Denver and found out the FBI were the ones who were after us. So one branch was protecting us while the other was trying to kill us. If we had stayed put, we would be dead."

"So you took of to meet the threat head on. I get that, Bobby. I even understand it, and that is not what I have a problem with." She sighed. "You just left. Not a word to anyone. And you vanished. _That_ is what I have a problem with. Do you realize how many levels of wrong that was?"

He looked at his hands. "I...okay, I realize that now. But at the time...I just...I was terrified they were going to come after you if I had any contact with you. I couldn't be sure why they were targeting us, and if I called you and they dragged you into it, too...that would put the three of you in danger...and I couldn't risk that. I wouldn't risk it. I...I didn't expect..." He closed his eyes for a moment, struggling with several things at once. She touched his arm, but he pulled away and shook his head, so she let him be. Finally, he finished, "We went to Denver to get some answers and we got them. If we had made it to Austin, we would have been home in a few days. That was my plan."

She frowned. "If you had told me what you were doing we would have known where you were, dammit!"

"I had nothing to do with that accident."

His jaw was tight and he was very tense, defensive. He still refused to look up at her. She waited a moment before she said, "Look, I don't want to argue about something we can't change. I'm just trying to understand what you were thinking, _why _you did what you did..._why_ you abandoned us..."

He jerked his head up at that. "Abandoned...?"

He stopped, an odd look on his face. _Abandoned...walked out on...left...just like... _He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling, unwillingly reliving the moment he realized his own father was never coming back. To a young boy, who didn't really know any different, even a bad father was, well, a father, and walking out on him was still...rejection. It was years before he realized that William Goren was not a man, or a father, he should aspire to emulate. But it still hurt when he left...even more than the beatings he was subjected to. Physical injuries healed, but emotional ones...they stayed far longer, hurt much deeper and were easily reopened. "Do you really think that, Alex?"

"Do I think you abandoned us? No, Bobby, I don't think you walked out on us. I know better. But there are more ways to leave than walking away. You took off. You told no one. You never made contact with any of us for nearly a month. We were beginning to believe you were dead, and that is the abandonment I am talking about."

"Don't you think I would have if I could have?"

"Yes, I do. And that's why I was trying to prepare myself to tell your daughter you were never coming home. Do you know what that would have done to her? She would never have been the same."

He scrubbed his face and took a deep breath, flaring the pain in his chest to try to dull the other pain he was feeling. "And what about you?"

She looked surprised. "Me?"

"Yes, Alex. You. I know it wasn't easy for you."

She was quiet for a moment. Then a song popped into her mind, unbidden...

_Without you,  
There'd be no sun in my sky,  
There would be no love in my life,  
There'd be no world left for me.  
And I,  
Baby I don't know what I would do,  
I'd be lost if I lost you,  
If you ever leave,  
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,_

_And tell me now,  
How do I live without you?  
I want to know,  
How do I breathe without you?  
If you ever go,  
How do I ever, ever survive?  
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

That song had been her undoing...and now it cut right through her anger and reminded her of what it had been like when he was gone. And now...now he was back. Maggie was back to her normal, happy self, bouncing through the house singing _Der Frohlich Wandersmann_, the German drinking song he'd taught her when she was two. And the dull ache that had been sitting inside her was gone, replaced first by relief and now by a sudden surge of overwhelming anger. She sighed deeply. "I was devastated, all right? I had no idea how I was going to go on without you, how I was going to look at those children and see you in them and ever be okay again. Is that what you want to hear, Bobby? How incredibly hard it was for me to try accepting the fact that you were dead?" He looked away and so did she...but she wasn't done yet. She was trembling; her emotions were running very high. "And what about your daughter?" she softly asked, fighting to keep her voice under control. "She wandered around the house...aimlessly. There was no joy in her for anything. She didn't laugh, didn't even smile. She cried herself to sleep every night, begging God to bring you and Mike home to her. And I knew no way to reassure her. What the hell was I supposed to tell her?" She hit his upper arm hard, no longer able to keep her tears from spilling over and running down her face. "You son of a bitch, what the hell was I supposed to do for either of us?"

She finally looked toward him. He wouldn't look at her, wouldn't answer her. She smacked him again. "Well? What was I supposed to do?"

He slid both hands up into his hair and looked toward the ceiling. "I don't know, Alex. Okay? I don't have the answers, and I don't know what to say." He clenched his jaw, still refusing to look at her. But she could see the tears that moistened his cheek. He shut his eyes and struggled with himself. He couldn't get past the pain he had caused the two people in the world he loved more than any others, his wife and his daughter. His breathing was ragged and he had no idea what to do with himself. If he hadn't been confined to the damn bed, he would work off his emotions with activity. Now all he could do was retreat into himself and try to control his raging emotions...how?

Part of her wanted to reach out to him, but it was battling with the part that was still angry and wanted him to hurt like she had hurt. _If we had made it to Austin, we would have been home in a few days. That was my plan. _He hadn't meant for any of this to happen...it wasn't entirely his fault. Was it fair of her to blame him like this? She knew how he was. She could only imagine how much like a caged animal he must have felt, cornered, helpless...

Her anger spent, she reached her hand toward him, touching his elbow and moving it slowly along his arm toward his shoulder. Without a word, he slid his hand around her forearm and pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face against her shoulder. She felt his body shudder and she turned her head to softly kiss his temple. But he didn't settle down. His chest was hurting badly but all he wanted to do was hold her. If he released her, she would see the pain and get the nurse...and they'd give him more damn medicine to knock him out. Fuck that. He wanted to feel this pain right now. It was nothing compared to what he'd put them through. He tightened his arms around her, pressing her more firmly against him. He heard her whisper into his ear, but he didn't register what she said. When she finally tried to pull back, he let her go, dropping back against the pillow. "Look at me, Bobby," she said softly.

When he wouldn't, she touched his chin and drew his face around toward her. Her fingers caressed his cheek and he leaned his head toward them. Finally, he found his voice and whispered, "What do you want me to do?"

"Just understand. That's all. I want you to know how your life affects ours, and how the decisions you make impact us. You aren't alone any more. If you're ever alone again, Bobby, it will be by your own choice. Right now, you're stuck with us. Okay? Try to remember that."

"You think I ever forgot it? What do you think this was all about, Alex? It was about making sure you were untouched by what Waters did. He could have brought you down, and I wasn't going to allow that. He's done enough to you."

"And now he nearly took you from me. Then he really would have gotten everything, you know."

"So, how do I make this right?"

She gently wiped the moisture from his cheeks. "You already did, baby," she whispered. "You lived."

He wiped his eyes impatiently and shifted restlessly in the bed, trying to make his pain manageable along with his out-of-control emotions. The word _abandoned _kept coming back to haunt him and he didn't know what to do with it. She leaned closer to him. "Settle down," she said softly, resting her hand on his chest. He wasn't sure he could settle down. She shifted closer to him, leaning her face toward his. His eyes locked on hers and she could feel the muscles under her hand start to relax. She gently kissed him. "I really didn't mean for you to have a meltdown, but I wanted you to know how much this escapade impacted the rest of us. I don't think Maggie would ever have recovered if she lost you. I know I wouldn't."

"So...we're okay?"

"Of course we are. We weren't ever not okay. I can be furious with you and still love you to death. You should know that by now."

"I guess so."

He was having trouble breathing but so far he was able to hide it from her. He knew it was from the pain, and it would pass eventually. She slipped her hand from his chest and rested it on his arm. "Oh, one thing I forgot."

"What?"

"Your mother..."

"What? Is she okay?"

"She is now."

"She had a break." It wasn't a question; he knew.

"Yes, she did...because you weren't around. She was convinced 'they' got you, and I helped 'them'."

"The staff took care of her?"

"And so did I."

He leaned his head to the left and frowned. "You?"

"They called me when she got bad. I know you always went out there to deal with her, and I didn't want to abandon her, so I went out."

"Maggie...?"

"Don't panic. I left the kids with Dad. The worst thing that happened was that I let Maggie talk to her before I realized she was slipping away. She upset her a little by telling her that 'they' were going to hurt you."

"What did Maggie do?"

"She sat on the bed and hugged your pillow. I let her sleep with me that night. She wasn't willing to give up your pillow."

He rubbed his temple. "Maggie..." he whispered.

"She's better now. She's smiling again...and singing that damn beer song you taught her."

He gave her a small smile. "Anything else you want to clobber me with?"

She gave it a moment's thought. "No...I'm good. But just wait until I get you home, Goren."

He raised his eyebrows. "Uh, is that good or bad?"

She lowered her head and turned her eyes up toward him with a mischievous smile. "I guess you'll just have to wait and see. Are you ready to see the kids? Maggie is quite annoyed that you keep sleeping."

That did make him laugh, followed by a deep groan and a muffled curse as he braced his arm against his ribs. "Bobby?"

He just waved a hand at her. It would pass...It would pass. He felt darkness encrouching again but he fought it hard. He heard her voice, but it was distant, and he wasn't quite able to answer her. Then next thing he was aware of was a warmth spreading through his chest and the pain retreated. The world began to spin around him. Gentle hands pressed him backwards and he felt himself continue to fall, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.

* * *

**A/N: Once again, How Do I Live is by LeAnn Rimes.**


	18. Ev'eything Was Wrong

The pain in his chest was reduced to a dull throbbing, but he was okay with that. He remained still, breathing carefully, listening to the sounds of the room around him. Judging from the tone of his voice, Logan had to be talking to Tommy. He'd really worry about the guy if he wasn't. Slowly, he opened his eyes. He had no way of knowing how long he'd been out, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He tried to take a deep breath, but that didn't work too well and he coughed, groaning softly when the throb developed a sharp edge, but it faded quickly and it didn't take him with it. "Daddy?"

He turned his head and looked at the little face that watched him through the bedside railing. "Hey, mouse," he said softly.

"You been sleepin' a lot, Daddy."

"Sorry." He motioned with his head. "Come on up here, baby."

She scurried over to the chair beside the bed and pushed it closer. Climbing onto it, she was able to climb up onto the bed and scramble into his arms. He gently settled her on his stomach and she said, "You was gone for a long time, Daddy."

"I know I was."

She frowned. "Don't you like my baby?"

"Your baby? Maggie, I love your brother, just like I love you. He had nothing to do with why I was gone, and neither did you."

"Was you workin'?"

"No...no, I wasn't working." He sighed. "Uncle Mike and I had something we had to do, and on the way to doing it, we had a car accident."

"So Gramma was wrong?"

"About what? What did Gramma tell you?"

"She telled me somebody was tryin' to hurt you and Mommy was helpin' them."

He closed his eyes. _Damn_. Alex hadn't said anything about his mom telling Maggie that. Looking back at his little daughter, he said, "What did you think when Gramma told you that?"

"I didn' unnerstand why anybody would wanna hurt you."

"What about what she told you about Mommy?"

"Mommy wouldn' ever hurt you. Gramma hadda be wrong about that."

He nodded. "Gramma was wrong about all of it. When Gramma tells you something that troubles you, always ask Mommy or me, okay?"

"Okay, I will, Daddy."

She frowned and stared down at his chest. He closed his hands over hers. "What's wrong?"

"Ev'eything was...wrong when you was gone."

"Like what?"

"Like...ev'eything. I couldn' be happy no more, Daddy. I missed you. I jus' wanted you to come home."

He pulled her down onto his chest, ignoring the pain that protested the pressure, and gently ran his hand over her hair. "I'm sorry, Maggie. I never meant to make you or Mommy sad."

Maggie looked up at him, reaching up to wipe a tear from his cheek. "It's better now, Daddy. I'm happy, an' Mommy and I laugh an' play again. That was hard when you was gone." She looked thoughtful. "Can you tell Tommy he can be big now an' play with me?"

"Well, he still needs a little more time, mouse. But Uncle Mike and I are back now."

She sat up, looking hopeful. "Are you gonna leave the hopsital soon?"

"I hope so. Uncle Mike will leave first, I'm sure."

"Why do you gotta stay?"

"I just need to get better."

"An' you won' leave no more?"

"Not like this, no." He raised his voice so Logan could hear him. "Of course, if Uncle Mike wasn't such a menace behind the wheel..."

"Hey, hey, hey..." Logan protested. "Don't go dumping this in my lap there, pal. I was just along for the ride."

"_You _were driving."

"_You _were the reason we were there at all."

"Okay, you two," came a voice from the doorway. Eames looked from Logan to Goren, then frowned. "Maggie, how did you get up there?"

"I climbed. Daddy telled me to come up."

She looked at the chair, then at her husband. "Causing trouble again, Goren?"

"Not me. I learned my lesson."

"Somehow I doubt that. But I do have a message for you from Doctor Carson. He said if you don't quit scaring them, he'll send you back to intensive care. And I'll let him."

"I didn't do it intentionally."

"Well, if we're both on the same page here, I'm done discussing it." When he didn't answer, she asked, "What's wrong?"

He just shook his head, focusing his attention on the little girl still perched on his stomach. Eames came over to the bed and lifted Maggie up. "Go say good bye to Uncle Mike. We need to get going."

She kissed Maggie's cheek and set her on the floor. Then she looked at Goren, who watched the little girl trot across the room, push the other chair over to Logan's bed and climb up to hug him and talk to her little brother. Eames touched his chin and he shifted his gaze toward her. "What did she tell you?"

"Nothing I didn't know. But hearing her tell me she couldn't be happy..." He sighed softly. "I'd rather have you hit me again."

"What did you expect? Did you think we just went on with life as normal? Tom was the only one able to do that. You know how much you mean to Maggie, even if you don't get how much you mean to me."

He frowned. "How can you say that? Alex..." He closed his eyes for a moment. Finally, he said, "If I hadn't nearly died, I would have called you."

Silently, she studied him. "You think I'm being unfair?"

"No. But I don't think you're giving me any credit here. We weren't on vacation. It's not like I did any of this on purpose. Okay, maybe I should have let you know we were heading to Denver and then to Austin. But I didn't know what we were dealing with, or how it would impact you if I tried to contact you. So would you please stop being mad at me and let it go?"

"I'm trying. Do you want me to stay away until I get there?"

"No. Please don't do that."

She laughed softly. "How long do you think it will take me to get there?"

"I don't care if you're there tomorrow. Don't stay away. Don't keep the kids away. Just...I need you, all right?"

Leaning toward him, she gently kissed him. "Okay. I promise we won't stay away. But you need to get out of here as fast as you can. I hate hospitals."

"That makes two of us. I'll do what I can."

From the other side of the room, Logan said, "Quit making him think and he'll get out of here sooner."

"You really want me to shut his brain down, Logan?"

"I didn't say that! Just quit giving him shi---stuff to think about."

She walked across to his bed and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "If you ever change, Mike, I'll kick your ass," she whispered into his ear. She lifted Maggie and set her on the floor. "Go hug Daddy and tell him good night."

Taking Tommy from Logan after letting him kiss the baby, she smiled and laid a hand on his cheek. "Keep an eye on him, please."

"I try. I promise I do."

Maggie had climbed back up onto the bed and was sitting in her father's lap. When Eames laid the baby in his arms, Maggie held her brother's hand. "I been helpin' Mommy and Grandpa take care-a him. He's a good baby, Daddy."

"So were you."

He kissed the side of the baby's soft head and let Alex take him back. Maggie jumped into a hug and squeezed his neck. "I'll be back, Daddy."

"I'm counting on it."

"I love you."

He held her for a few more moments before he let her go and watched her climb off the bed. "I love you, too, mouse."

Eames kissed him. "We'll see you tomorrow."

"Promise?"

"Of course. Behave yourself."

He sighed and watched her leave with the kids. Maggie stopped in the doorway and turned, blowing them each a kiss. Then she spun and ran after her mother.

Logan looked over at his friend. "That kid's too much."

"Would you want her any other way?"

"Not a chance, man."

He smiled. "Me, neither."


	19. Little Helper

Eames looked up from the form in front of her and her eye caught her partner's empty chair. She didn't mind working with Barek, but she missed Bobby. Carolyn was smart, but she was steady and predictable. Over the years, Eames had gotten used to her partner's unpredictability. Being his partner was a constant challenge, and it was one she relished. She found that she worked best when he was there, keeping her guessing. Bobby kept her sharp. Now she had an idea of how he'd felt during her maternity leaves. She felt...lost...adrift in a world that didn't make sense without his perspective. It was a feeling she wasn't used to, and she did not like it at all. Suddenly, she missed him...a lot. She picked up the phone and dialed his hospital room. _Hello._

"Hi, Bobby."

The tone of his voice changed, as it always did when he talked to her._ Hey, baby. Is everything okay?_

"Yes. Why wouldn't it be?"

_You don't usually call me in the middle of the day. Not when you're working, anyway._

"We're wrapping up a case, and I missed you."

Silence. _I miss you, too. I want to get back to work._

"Well, that's a few weeks away, at least."

_Logan will be back on Monday, so you'll at least have him around to keep you amused._

She laughed. "You are more to me than amusement, Goren, and it's more than just at work that I miss you."

_Believe me, I'm sick of being here._

"And the nurses are ready to send you home. They don't understand your restlessness. You have too much energy for them."

A soft chuckle._ I need Maggie to wear me out. _

"Yes, you do. And she needs you." She sighed. "I just wanted to hear your voice. I'll see you tonight."

_Um, could you run home and get the kids first? I really want to see them._

"Sure. Try to rest, will you?"

_I'll try. I love you, Alex._

She smiled. "I love you, too."

In the two-and-a-half weeks he'd been in the hospital, she'd come by to see him after work every day, bringing the kids up every few days. That didn't suit him or Maggie, but they dealt with it. He had calmed down a great deal as her emotions settled and she returned to herself. He still felt the need to apologize every few days, but now she let him. And she swore to him that he would be making it up to them after he got out of the hospital. He promised he would.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She pulled into the driveway at her father's, surprised to see Logan's car sitting in the driveway. Ah, well...he was probably missing Maggie. It wasn't the first time he'd been here when she arrived after work. Good...he could come up to the hospital with them. She opened the door, surprised that Maggie didn't come charging to greet her, like she usually did. Logan was sitting on the couch, holding Tommy in his arms. He grinned at her. "Hey there, sweetheart."

"What are you up to, Logan?"

"What makes you ask that?"

"You look guilty."

He shook his head. "Not guilty. Not today."

She eyed him suspiciously but let it drop. "Where's Maggie?"

"In the bedroom."

"Is she feeling okay?"

"She seemed fine."

"And Dad?"

"He ran to the store. He'll be right back."

Giving him another suspicious look, she headed back for the bedroom. She heard him talking softly to the baby, but she couldn't make out what he was saying. She smiled at the way the children affected him. He was a different person around Maggie and Tom, and she really liked that side of him. Over the years, she had found herself developing a real affection for Logan, much like the love she felt for her brothers. More than anything else, she appreciated his friendship with Bobby...especially after this last escapade of theirs. There was no doubt in her mind that Bobby would have gone alone, and there was also no doubt in her mind that if he had, she would have buried him. He would have pushed himself beyond his limits and it would have cost him the ultimate price. He was so stubborn sometimes.

Quietly, she opened the bedroom door, and she stopped, surprised. Maggie was standing beside the bed, gently rubbing her hand through her father's hair. He was sleeping. The little girl turned and smiled at her mother. "Look, Mommy," she said quietly, unable to keep the excitement from her voice. "Daddy's home! Uncle Mike bringed him."

"So I see." She approached the bed and leaned over to kiss Maggie. "Go play with Uncle Mike for a little while. You did a great job of helping Daddy settle down."

"Okay, Mommy." She leaned over and kissed her father's cheek. "Will Daddy stay home now?"

"Yes. And he will be home with you for a few weeks before he can go back to work."

"He will?"

"Yes, baby. He will."

"Tommy will be happy, too!"

Excited, she scurried from the room to announce to her brother that Daddy would be staying home with them for awhile before he went back to work. Smiling, Eames gently sat down on the bed beside him. His eyes fluttered open and he stretched, smiling at her. "You're home," he said softly.

"So are you," she answered with equal softness.

"Surprise."

Leaning down, she kissed him, lingering, deepening the kiss. When she sat back, he struggled to catch his breath. Finally, he settled, though with great difficulty. He had been so miserable without her, it had not occurred to him how much his body missed hers. Now, without the overwhelming pain that had distracted him in the hospital, it was reminding him of that fact with a vengence. He slid his hand under her shirt but didn't get very far before the door opened and a little curly head poked itself into the room. "Grandpa's back!"

"I'm coming, honey," Eames replied.

The door closed and he whispered, "Alex..."

She kissed him softly. "Be patient. Come on out and eat dinner with us. Maggie will have her own plate this time."

He laughed quietly. "Uh, speaking of Maggie...where did her bed go?"

"The bedroom across the hall. Dad decided it was time she had her own room here. When Tommy's a little bigger, he'll have one, too. I'm surprised she didn't show it to you."

"I was wiped out when we got here. Your dad chased me in here and Maggie came along. She...wanted to help me."

"When I came in here, she was rubbing your hair."

He smiled. "It was easy to go to sleep with her right here."

"Well, don't expect the same consideration tonight."

He sat up carefully. "Is that a promise, Eames?"

"It's a promise, Goren."

He got up to follow her from the room, but when he came up behind her, he braced his hand against the door before she could open it. Leaning closer, he rested his head against hers, with his mouth beside her ear. "I have missed you," he whispered.

"Really? Do you plan to prove it?"

"For the rest of my life," he promised.

He kissed her cheek and stepped back so she could open the door. She met his eyes briefly before she stepped through the doorway into the hall, letting her fingers trail across his abdomen. He waited for a moment before he followed her; it took that long for him to remember how to move. Alex had disappeared into the kitchen and John was helping Maggie set the table. "Look, Daddy. I'm bein' a big girl and settin' the table with Grandpa!"

"You're doing a great job, mouse."

John smiled at him. "Feeling better, Bobby?"

"Yes, thanks."

"Go sit down. Dinner will be ready in five minutes."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes," Eames answered from the kitchen. "Go sit down."

Maggie slid her hand into his. "Come on, Daddy. Come talk to Tommy. He's not bein' a big boy yet and I wanna play catch."

He laughed softly, glad it no longer hurt so badly. He glanced at his wife, who shrugged and said, "You keep telling her he'll be big enough soon. Soon to a three-year-old is later this afternoon."

"It only seems like it goes that fast," he muttered as he let his little girl lead him over to the couch.

When he sat beside Logan, she climbed up between them. Logan handed the baby to his father, not missing the wince when Goren took him. "Getting big, isn't he?"

"He sure is." He set the baby on his lap and said, "Look at you, you little monster. You're growing like a weed."

Maggie giggled. "He's not a weed, Daddy. He's a baby."

He looked at her. "What's a weed?"

"Dandylions!"

He and Logan both laughed. "How did you know that?"

"I heared Grandpa say it. They grow in the grass and he tells them 'dam weeds'."

Both men laughed harder and Eames glared at her father, who shrugged. "Sorry, honey. That was last summer. What a memory that little girl has."

She shook her head as she set the potatoes on the table. "She's her father's child, Dad. I swear I'm fighting a losing battle here."

John kissed her cheek. "She'll be just fine, Alex."

"Until she goes to kindergarten and starts being colorful. I'm putting that on all three of you."

Goren looked over his shoulder. "What'd I do?"

"You keep teaching her those German drinking songs, that's what."

"No one's gonna know what she's saying."

"Forgive me for being suspicious when you won't tell me what she's saying."

"Trust me, Alex. She's fine."

"Yeah, yeah. Like I said, you can deal with it when the principal calls about her multi-lingual skills."

"Does that mean I can teach her to swear in German?"

"No, it does not!"

He laughed again and turned back to the children. Gently rubbing his ribs, he muttered, "I thought laughter was supposed to help with healing. At this rate, it's going to kill me, if my wife doesn't first."

Logan laughed as Eames lightly smacked the back of Goren's head. Leaning over, she said, "Well, if you need more healing time, I can wait."

He looked at her. "I can't," he replied, kissing her lightly.

She lightly caressed the back of his neck and turned her attention to the baby. "Would you look at him?"

"When did he start smiling?"

"Now."

Maggie bounced onto her knees. "I telled you he was happy you're home, Daddy."

"You did, and you were right."

Eames leaned over the back of the couch and lifted the baby from Goren's lap. "Dinner is ready. Help Maggie wash up, one of you."

Goren kissed the side of Maggie's head. "Let Uncle Mike help you wash up, baby."

"Okay, Daddy." She grabbed Logan's hand. "Come on, Uncle Mike."

Goren stayed on the couch for a minute. "Bobby? Are you okay?"

He waved a hand at her and nodded, waiting for the flame in his chest to dull. She appeared beside him with a glass of water and a pill. "Dad filled your prescription."

He knew better than to argue with her, so he took the medicine and got up to head for the table. "Thanks, John."

"I've been in your shoes, son. It's better to just take it. You won't need it for long."

Eames was dishing up Maggie's dinner. "As long as Maggie stops pouncing on you, you won't."

"She can pounce all she wants. She's not going to hurt me."

"Bobby..."

"Come on, Alex. She weighs all of, what, thirty pounds?"

"Not quite."

"I can handle Maggie."

"Just don't push it. I swear if you end up back in the hospital for doing something stupid, I won't come to see you."

"You don't mean that."

"Want to try me?"

"No."

"All right, then. Do you feel up to watching him, too, Dad?"

"I'll keep an eye on him."

Goren frowned. "I don't need a babysitter."

"That's a matter of opinion. Somebody needs to keep an eye on the two of you."

Logan was approaching the table, carrying Maggie. "What'd we do now? You've been home for three hours. How'd you get us in trouble already?"

"It was easy. All I had to do was talk."

"Well, stop it. I'm tired of being in trouble."

Maggie climbed up into her chair. "Who gots in trouble?"

"No one, baby," Eames replied, kissing her head as she set her plate down in front of her. "I was just telling Daddy to be careful until he's better."

"He's outta the hopsital. Isn' he better?"

"Not quite."

"Then I will help him get better. Okay, Daddy?"

"Sounds like a plan, mouse." He glanced at his wife, not surprised to see her laughing quietly.

Eames met his eyes and silently blew him a kiss. Sometimes it was worth it that he couldn't tell Maggie no.


	20. Hurricane Maggie

Goren walked into the bathroom and looked his little girl directly in the eye, trying not to choke on the cloud of white powder that coated everything in the small room. "What are you doing in here?" he asked with a cough.

She was standing on the counter next to the basin. Her hair was white, and so was most of the bathroom. "I needed powder."

"For what?"

"So I can be pretty."

He lifted her from the counter and set her on the floor. "Go get the broom, please."

"Okay, Daddy."

While she was gone, Eames came into the room. "Whoa, what happened in here?"

"Hurricane Maggie and a bottle of baby powder."

"Where's the little hurricane now?"

"Getting the broom."

"Why did she get into the powder?"

"So she can be pretty."

She sighed, careful not to take too deep a breath. "You want to field this one since I got the band-aid one?

Last week, she had covered her brother in band-aids, in case he got an owie. She wanted to protect him and band-aids always made owies better. "Sure. It's my turn."

She leaned up and kissed him, grateful that he was willing to bear his share of the parenting burden as well as its rewards. Nearly an hour later, after helping Maggie clean the bathroom and giving her a bath, he carried her to her room and sat down on her bed with her, glad to finally be able to do both without any pain. "Why powder?"

"Babies wear powder and babies are pretty."

"Do you think you aren't?"

"No. I know I'm pretty. You al'ays tell me I am."

"Then what did you need the powder for?"

"Can't I be prettier?"

His mind went blank for a moment and he had no idea what to tell her. Finally, he took a deep breath which made him cough, though he was glad that, too, was no longer painful. "There's no need for you to be any prettier, baby. You are just perfect exactly the way you are."

"You think so, Daddy?"

"I know so."

Slowly she nodded. "Okay. I'll just be pretty 'nuff."

"Pretty enough suits me just fine. But I do need you to do something for me."

"What?"

"The next time you get the urge to dump a bottle of powder on your head or coat your brother in baby oil--" That had been fun to clean up. "--Please ask."

She gave it a moment's thought. "Okay, Daddy. I'll ask."

"Are you ready to go to visit Gramma?"

"Yes. I jus' gotta put on my dress."

He kissed her forehead. "Get dressed then. I need to change."

She suddenly jumped into his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck in her version of a bear hug. He folded his arms around her and held her until she was ready to be released. "Thank you, mouse. I needed that."

"I know," she said with an innocent smile.

"How'd you know?"

"You al'ays need a hug, and I'll al'ays give you one."

He nodded. "That sounds like a good idea to me." He gave her a kiss. "Now get dressed."

He headed into the bedroom he shared with Alex. She had been so glad to come home and be back in their apartment again. He was simply glad to be home, and home, to him, was any place his family was. After taking another quick shower and getting halfway dressed, he was looking through the closet for a shirt when Alex came into the room. She slid her arms around his waist, lightly caressing his bare skin. He caught his breath and turned, pulling her against him and backing into the closet. She laughed. "What are you doing?"

He leaned over and softly kissed her. "Kissing my wife in the bedroom closet."

"Why the closet?"

"Why not? Is the baby ready?"

"Yes, and so is Maggie. She's sitting by the door trying to make the baby smile again."

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then."

"What about you?"

"I was already dressed once, until the white tornado hit."

"Did you talk to her?"

"Of course. And she's good until the next idea strikes her."

"You have to admit, her reasons are sound."

"That doesn't make the clean-up any easier."

"I look forward to seeing what she's going to come up with next."

"That's good because it's your turn to deal with her."

"Unless I convince you to do it for me."

"No way. It's your turn."

She kissed him. "We'll see."

Brushing her lips past his again, she teased him with her tongue. "Not fair," he whispered.

"All's fair in love and child-rearing."

"That gives you the edge."

"And I am proud to admit that." She lightly tickled him. "Get dressed, Goren. We don't want your mother to worry."

He sighed softly. "No, we don't want that."

She stepped out of the closet and saw Maggie standing by the door. "What was you doin' inna closet, Mommy?"

"Just helping Daddy pick out his shirt."

"Oh. Are we goin' yet?"

"As soon as Daddy gets done dressing."

"Why are you bein' slow, Daddy?"

He looked around the dresser at her as he buttoned his shirt. "I was already dressed once, missy. Somebody got powder all over my clothes."

She giggled. "I did that."

"Yes, you did."

He pulled a tie off the rack and slid it under his collar, then grabbed a jacket. "Okay, mouse. Let's go."

"Yay!" She ran down the hall, chattering happily to her little brother about their upcoming visit to Gramma's.

Goren grabbed his wife's arm and pulled her to him before she got to the door. He moved his face closer to hers. "I _will _find a way to even my odds," he whispered. Softly, he let his lips caress hers, applying more pressure as he deepened the kiss. Stepping back from her, he let his fingers trail down her face, along her neck and her collarbone. He struggled with himself for a moment before he was finally able to step away. "We'd better get going," he murmured.

She paused for a moment before turning to follow him. Damn if he didn't find a way...but she was _not _going to let him know that.

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Maggie chatted happily with Tommy all the way to Carmel Ridge, announcing every smile he gave her..and there were a lot of them. The baby very obviously loved his big sister and she had a knack for getting him excited, which amused her father and made her mother groan. Bobby had resumed his weekly visits after getting out of the hospital. Both Alex and Maggie had gone with him; Frances was once again doing well. But she wanted to see her grandson. Now that he was three months old and the winter flu season was just about over, they were ready to make the introductions.

Eames pulled into a parking space and turned off the engine. They climbed out of the car and got the children out. Goren settled his son into the crook of his left arm, holding Maggie's hand with his right. On her other side, Maggie held her mother's hand. Swinging her arms, she skipped between them. Once they got onto the right wing, she released their hands and ran ahead to say hello to Sylvia.

"Hi, Sivia!"

"Well, hello there, Maggie. How are you today?"

"I'm good. Is Gramma havin' a good day?"

"Yes, she is. Do you have a surprise for her?"

Maggie nodded vigorously. "We bringed my baby today!"

"You did? That's exciting!"

"He's happy, too. Gramma's never seed him before."

Sylvia looked up as Alex and Bobby approached, smiling at them. "Okay, Maggie," she said. "Introduce me to your baby."

She helped Maggie climb up onto her desk, where the little girl stood and placed her hand on her brother's head. "This is Tommy, my baby. Tommy, this is Sivia. She helps take care-a Gramma."

Sylvia took the baby's hand and gently jiggled it. "Hello, there, little man." He rewarded her with a smile and she laughed. "He's a happy little guy."

Eames nodded. "He almost never cries. He's a very good baby."

"That's 'cause I take care-a him!" Maggie volunteered.

Eames hugged her. "That's right, Maggie."

She jumped into her mother's arms. "Let's go see Gramma! She misses me. C'mon, Daddy! Gramma wants to see Tommy, too."

He grinned at Sylvia and followed his wife and daughter down the hall to his mother's room.


	21. Introducing Tommy

Maggie turned the knob and pushed open the door to her grandmother's room. "Gramma! I'm here! An' I bringed my baby to see you!"

Frances got up from her chair and held her arms out to the little girl. Maggie ran to her and hugged her as she said, "I missed you, precious."

"I missed you, too, Gramma." She twisted in her grandmother's arms. "C'mon, Daddy! Gramma wants to see Tommy."

He laughed as he came through the doorway. "I'm coming."

Alex kissed Frances' cheek and held her arms out to Maggie, who jumped into her embrace. Frances approached her son as he lowered the little bundle in his arms for her. She took the baby. "Will you look at him?" she said quietly. "All soft and sweet. How old is he now?"

"Three months."

"Thank you for not waiting until he was three years to bring him to see me, son."

Goren knew it was useless to argue or explain, so all he said was, "You're welcome, Mom."

He glanced at Alex, who met his eyes. He shrugged, and she smiled at him and hugged Maggie. When Frances carried the baby across the room and sat down in her chair near the window, Alex set Maggie down so she could join them. Bobby came up behind her and slid his arms around her. She relaxed against him as they watched their children interact with his mother, making her laugh and smile.

Having no sense of regular mealtime scheduling, Tommy decided it was lunchtime before the dining room was ready to accomodate the rest of the building. Eames looked around the room. "Diaper bag?"

Goren's gaze followed the course hers had taken around the room. "Don't look at me. I had the baby."

"Ergo, you should have had the diaper bag."

He raised his eyebrows at her, but his only comment was "I'll go get it."

"No, you visit with your mother. I'll go get it."

Maggie turned toward her. "Can I come, too, Mommy?"

"I'm just going out to the car, but if you want to..."

The little girl bounced off the bed and hurried to join her mother. "We'll be right back!" she announced to the rest of the room.

Frances smiled after they were gone and looked at her son. "You made a very good choice, Bobby. I like Alex. She's so much better than that Miffy or Ditzy or whoever it was you dated when you were a sophomore in high school."

"Her name was Mitzie, Mom."

"Well, at least Alex has a brain."

At fifteen, brains had not been a big consideration for him. In his wife, however, brains were a must, and Alex was more than able to keep up with him. He smiled at his mother. "I think Alex is just right for me."

She smiled broadly. "I agree. It's good to see you happy. You have yourself a beautiful family." She kissed Tommy's soft head. "He has his mother's hair, but your features. They are both a beautiful blend of you and their mother."

"Thank you, Mom. As long as they're happy..."

"They are. Anyone can see it, simply by looking at them. You are a wonderful father, son...so much better than your father was to you."

He tensed, but struggled to keep her from noticing. Keeping his voice casual, he said, "I hope they never see me the way I saw him."

She shook her head. "There's not a cruel bone in your body. You will never be anything like he was. You have a good heart, Bobby. He had no heart at all."

That was a lesson he'd learned from cruel experience. He sighed softly. "He did teach me one thing, though."

Frances frowned. "What was that?"

"He taught me what kind of man and what kind of father not to be."

Her face relaxed into a smile. "A lesson you learned very well if these children are any indication." She lightly stroked the baby's cheek. "You should be proud."

The door banged open and Maggie bounced back into the room, running at her father and jumping into his arms as Alex handed the baby's bottle to Frances. He kissed the side of Maggie's head and answered, "Yes. I'm very proud."

He watched Alex sit lightly on the bed, laughing with Frances, probably at something else she'd said about him as a boy. He gently set Maggie down and leaned his shoulder against the wall as she climbed into her mother's lap to supervise the feeding of her baby. There was every reason in the world for him to be proud of his little family. They were content and, most of all, they were happy. And his mother was right: _he _was happy, too.


End file.
